Hi I am new to this but I feel so terrible that I thought I would give it a try. I recently had a breast lift and reduction that went very badly. Let me first explain that I have been married for about 3 years. My husband kept pressuring me and insisting that I get breast implants - long story short I woke up with 1000 cc implants - the largest available in the US. I went from a D to an N cup - I am not a big person - 5'3" tall about 115 lbs. I felt like a freak and eventually felt so bad I hardly left the house due to people staring at me (who could blame them) I finally got up the courage to have the reduction but because the skin was so stretched it was a major surgery and my surgeon said one of his most difficult cases he has ever done (he is 63 years old and the top surgeon for breast reconstruction in his city) I had the surgery done in my parents hometown as my husband gave me zero support. When I first saw the awful scars about a week after the surgery I called him and asked him tearfully why he did this to me- why could he not just accept me the way I was - now I am scarred for life and he seems to feel no regret for his taking advantage of my love and low self esteem. He actually told me that he could not be married to someone who would speak so disrespectfully to him. My parents continued to help take care of me - the incisions got infected and I ended up staying with them for 7 weeks. My husband called every now and then never saying much and usually leaving me in tears. At the end of the seven weeks he said I could come home if I could control my anger towards him I am so lonely but I figured no man would ever want me now so I came "home" He is not mean to me but for the most part ignores me. He threw out a lot of my stuff while I was away - said it was junk. He threw my cat to live outside even though he has no claws and is now sick with a terrible cold as he was an indoor cat. He refuses to let him live inside again and I am looking for a good home for him. He has plenty of money - but it is all his and he does not share a dime. He knew I had serious health problems when we married but said he wanted to love me and take care of me. He never helps with a single prescription and usually makes me buy my own groceries if I want something he does not want. I have to pay all my own hospital bills and had to borrow the money from my elderly parents to get the surgery and will have to borrow more to have the additional surgeries the surgeon says I need. I cannot stop crying - I dont want to even brush my hair or put on makeup - what is the use - it would be a fraud -underneath I look like Frankenstein. 3 times a day I have to change the dressings and 3 times a day I wish I were dead. I have no money and few friends, none in this state at all and even if I did I would not want to see them - I just cant bear to face anyone and yet I am so lonely. My husband says if I leave I will not get a dime - he is very wealthy and I am sure will hire the best attorneys. I might be able to go back to my parents but I don't want to burden them. It is so hard for them to see me so unhappy - and they are old and have serious health issues - it is best if I just lie and say it is OK where I am at. I am not a sissy - I have survived ovarian cancer - I have a big scar from that surgery - but I feel different about it - it was needed to save my life - these scars are because he couldn't love me the way I was and now I am a freak show. He knows that no man would ever want me now and he uses that to pump up my insecurities even more. God help me I am only 46 and feel like my life is over. I think about death and dying everyday and am obsessed with it - I have bought tons of books on what happens to us when we die and I do believe in God and an afterlife but I am terrified of dying - I guess that is good or I would have committed suicide weeks ago. Maybe someone out there has gone through something like this and can give me some advice. I hope so. Thanks
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