I just wanted ato put my feelings down for documentation in case I do something stupid today. I want the world to know I tried to reach out, but no one is there. Everyday I become less and less significant and isolated. I have lost the people who mean the most to me in this world and maybe it is time to join them. I am so tired of fighting this beast of depression; and fought I have, all to no avail. I am clear-headed and not under the influence of alcohol or drugs. This is simply one more guy who became a casuality of the world around him.
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I hate getting up every morning. I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like doing my school work anymore. I don't feel motivated to do anything productive. I guess that makes me lazy. I don't care if my family would miss me if I were to die. I guess that makes me a selfish monster and a horrible person. I keep getting the thought that I'm going to Heck if were to commit suicide. Day by...
...only feel better if they verbally bash on themselves. Like, I need to tell myself I'm nothing but a worthless piece of shit that deserves only the worst things in life. (excuse my profanity!) Then, I smile saying that and move on. However, I feel dragged down if I tell myself I'm perfect just the way I am.