Loneliness Support Group

Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...

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Dealing with anger/resentment

deleted_user
deleted_user
This week has been crappy and a huge rollercoaster of emotions ... and its only wednesday! :'(

On my last post I was talking about my friends who say that they are too used to me being all caring and loving. Well today I found out that my dear friend that I love so much was sending messages to this other friend... Well, I understand he loves her and she loves him back as a friend, but he pays more attention to her when she is kind to him. You know, its weird how he is happy when he sees a message from her, and how normal he is when he sees a message from me. He keeps saying that "I'm just too used to your kindness" that it doesn't surprise him anymore. I don't know why I started crying when he told me this. I feel kinda sad and resentful because he keeps sending me messages saying "I want to see you" or "miss you"... why does he want me in his life if he has this other girl? When this girl breaks his hearts he always comes to me for comfort and to vent out his feelings. Heck, he even said some days ago that he interacts with me the most... wdf is going on then? Im starting to feel like Im just some doormat. Or maybe Im exaggerating?

I really wish I could just let him go. How to do that? how to de-attach myself without being dramatic? Im so pathetic :(

Its wrong to be distant, its wrong to be caring... I should move to a mountain and become a hermit! yes!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well S#ht! girl, if you're trying to win friends and make it into a popularity contest...then yeah, the other girl is pulling out ahead. If you want to be the popular "dog walker" then you've got to make him beg for it. In psychology terms it's called operant conditioning. Scientists discovered that once you got test animal addicted to certain things, they'd go crazy to make sure they got it again. But see, now I always felt that was a bit unfair to do with a guy. (And some guys actually look for this to happen)

Some people get a lot of ego satisfaction by engaging in that kind of behavior with others, and I hope you won't fall into that ego flattery trip, because you're right, it's pathetic.
Think about your motives. Are you doing kind words because you honestly like him or are you just competing with your other friend over who can get the most attention?
P00hbear
P00hbear
I understand how you feel - I don't have the situation with a guy, but I too tend to be too caring and kind, always there for my friends and I wonder if they take it for granted. I work hard at the friendships I care about, but there are times when I just wonder who would really be there for me if I needed them like I am there for them...as for the male friend, it may be easier to seperate from him if you have feelings for him and you are feeling used. It's not wrong to be caring, but there's a line there you will have to draw if the feelings are not reciprocated or he is coming to you for the wrong reasons. It's about boundaries, and I know with codpependency it is very hard to set those - it takes some work, but it can be done and you will find you feel better about yourself for setting them. It does not even mean not to be kind, it just means be kind for different reasons, and meanwhile be sure to respect yourself and do not let anyone take you for granted.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Poohbear you just hit the right spot. That's how I feel! will these friends be there with me? I really feel like he is taking me for granted. I haven't looked for him for days and I just stopped going to facebook, he still sends me messages or wants to chat with me. Its not his fault, but I have been drawing my line. No more calls, no more lovey dovey messages, nothing at all. You are so right in this sentence:

"It does not even mean not to be kind, it just means be kind for different reasons"

That truly opened my eyes, thank you so much for it. I guess I have been over doing it or probably I have become reliable that he got bored of me.

Wendyhi, I do all that out of love, your post is interesting, I didn't know such terms but makes sense. He has tons of problems with his family and always comes to me to vent. I couldn't help but to give him support. Maybe I feel jealous of the other girl and probably I feel like its unfair because some months ago she forgot to call him for his bday and he got so depressed that I had to cheer him up with words like "she will call, maybe she is busy" etc. When she finally called, he got into cloud nine and forgot about me.

Imma have to let him go and take my leave, I feel like Im just being used while the other girl is not around. :(
deleted_user
deleted_user
Lonesome you are so right, thanks to everyone who replied, you are helping me so much. I have been being normal with him, I also feel that its not his fault, so I haven't been rude or anything. I feel like I have to put distance, but my question here is... should I tell him "I love you, you are a great person, there is nothing wrong with you, its just that I cant be just a friend as long as I have these feelings for you. I need sometime for myself to work things out, I hope you understand in case you no longer hear from me" or should I just cut communication and move on? what would be the polite way to take my distance without being rude or making him feel like he is the one to blame? (Because he isn't).

Thanks everyone, you have no idea how much you are helping me. I don't feel lonely everytime I read your posts, hugs to you all. T_T
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