I'm 18 and I'm lonely as hell. I have a lot of friends. Most of them are in some type of a relationship. Basically, I just want to find somebody who cares about me as much as I care about them. I always find a girl, and either become good friends with them or fall into the "friend zone". This is where the problem starts. For example, I recently became pretty close with a girl. She told me the other night that she would do anything for me. This was at a party, and the rest of the party she was flirting with other guys. Earlier in the night she told me that she was depressed and thought about killing herself and I couldn't believe that because she was drop dead gorgeous and had such a incredible personality. I texted her a long message the next morning telling her that I care about her a lot and if she ever needed anything to let me know. She sent me back a short message saying something like "thanks, love you". That night I texted her goodnight and got no reply, which didn't bother me. She hasn't texted me in two days, and for some reason that just makes me feel like shit. In all honesty I'm not looking for a relationship, just someone to text me to see how I'm doing or talk to me or want to hang out. I laugh at myself for caring so much for people that could give a shit about me. I've been very depressed for a while now. I work a full-time job and that is honestly the only time I can keep my mind off of things. My problem may not seem big, but it has affected me mentally far worse than I want it to. I've smoked marijuana occasionally for the past four years or so, but lately I've been craving it because it will help me escape from my depression. I drink a lot whenever I get the opportunity. Sometimes my emotions from this issue escalate from this issue when I drink too much. Recently I've resorted to slightly harder drugs (mushrooms, pills) just because I'd rather use drugs to forget how lonely I am even though I know that I shouldn't be doing them. I literally have stopped caring about my well being. I'm not a bum either. I graduated with a 4.4 and I'm going to college next year to pursue a career in film. I'm a popular kid, but I weight 250 lbs, played football in high school (recently graduated) and most girls don't find me attractive. My standards are high, which is why I find myself in the "friend zone" all of the time. Like I said earlier, I really just want to find somebody that cares about me as much as I care about them, and I always find myself caring what seems to be way too much. If anyone has any advice it would be appreciated more than you know.
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