hello, my name is Brett and I was on here several months ago but decided to take a break because I thought I was turning a corner in my life. It turns out that I haven't. I have been divorced since February 08 but knew it was going to happen in October 07. My mental and emotional problems began at that time. I immediately began to have a deep depression which brought on my OCD thoughts of suicide and depersonalization symptoms which is like feeling like you are on the outside of yourself looking in. It's a weird feeling but I was told it is a way your mind tries to protect itself from the actual danger. Anyhow, I have been to therapists' and psychiatrists but I don't feel any better. I miss my old life sooo much! Seeing the kids everyday, the house, even my ex. I cry all the time and don't want to get out of bed. When you add in the suicidal thoughts and depersonalization feelings, it's unbearable. I'm not sure if the suicidal thoughts are from my OCD acting up right now because of everything going on or if I really want to die. I don't think I want to but nevertheless it is so distressful. I can't think strait and always feel depressed or sad. I want my old life back. I am so lonely and desperate to get it back. I know that will never happen though. To make things worse I got angry at my ex about a month ago and threatened her over a voicemail. She took that to the police and now I have to go to court in October for this. She knows I would never hurt her but was trying to prove a point. I am so damn stupid! My anger towards her has been because she has rejected me this whole time and I feel she took away my life forever. I am so scared! I want to get better, emotionally and mentally and try to move on. What more can I do? What should I do? How do I stop the thoughts and depersonalization symptoms? How do I stop feeling like all hope is lost? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for going on so long. Brett
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