Do you want someone to make your kids the same priority as you do? I don't expect anyone to have the same feelings towards my kids! However, I do believe that the right person will add to your life

Kinoka,
I feel the very same way you do. I don't have children but I own a horse farm and work full time. I often find myself wondering if anyone would fit into my lifestyle. I also am very set in my ways since I've been alone and handling everything. So yes I'm right there in the same phase with you.

I just wonder if this is the next stage. We get accustomed to being alone and doing it all ourselves. Just wondering if others feel the same way.

I have been restless with discontent with things. I would love to have someone have the same priorities with my kids but know that probably only happens with both parents of the kids.

Just expressing my discontent and curious what others are feeling.

I actually feel the same way, my son is only 19 going on 20 months....and I have full custody, his father has no rights to him whatsoever, long story, but I will fight to the death to keep it that way to protect my son. I don't know if anyone can ever fit in my life again, and deal with my trust issues from the really bad divorce and all the bad stuff that has happened leading to the divorce. I've decided I really don't care, I've done everything myself the whole marriage, so if I never find someone I'll be just as happy as I was in the miserable marriage. Actually I'm much happier now that I ever was married that I can recall at least.

I have found the little things are starting to annoy me. My guy was laying on the couch watching football on Sunday while I was in the kitchen making homemade spaghetti. I could have cared less to be watching football but realized I was no better off than when my ex would lay around watching football.

I am hypersensitive lately I guess. Scary to think at 35 I am set in my ways but after 16 years with the same person I realized things were my way anyway or they would not get done.

Ultimately the most important aspect is to place the very highest value upon yourself, children and raising them right. If there are any aspects of dating or seeing a man that do not fall into place, then examine "why are you dating"? I recently met a man on POF, and thought we were a "great match", however instead after nearly 3 weeks, he started being clingy, constantly calling me, invading my personal space and now that I do enjoy being single......

We talked quite candidly, and I told him that it just would not work. This man got very upset and he stated what is wrong with me. Nothing was wrong with "him" per se. I don't want a man that is not my equal in any way, shape, or form. My ideal partner would be confident in his own right to understand my need for independence, yet still know that I seek that male presence in my life. Few have understood that. I learned through this experience, that I enjoyed the attention, but it was not the attention of the right man or partner, so I called it off. It hurt me to hurt someone, but ultimately honest is the best policy.

Again, place a high value on YOU. Live your life as you see fit. Seek a man that is solvent and self-sufficient, and will be sensitive enough to you and your children, to cook you dinner, and take some of the burdens off of your shoulders. You shouldn't have to ask for help with anything, that help should just be there naturally. For when it is, then......maybe that's the start of a wonderful friendship.

Smile.....your rainbow is out there :)

well im 28 and no kids, but still set in my ways. Nothing wrong with it. And yes, I dated a lot of people who annoyed me. It's a part of chemistry. To move at the same pace as someone else. I cannot agree more with AloneinUtah. Her last statement makes more sense than anything I've heard all week. If he is draining you of anything... money, time, too much thought... he isn't worth it. He will be perfect for someone else, you find the right one fer you.

From my experience...I don't know anything about your situation, how long you've been dating, etc...

It took my bf time to get to know my children and it's taking time for me to get to know his son. At first, we carved out lots of time for just the two of us. Then we slowly introduced doing things with just my children...and just his son...

We are both building connections with the other's child(ren) and we are building a new puzzle together. They aren't sliding into my life in the same space my ex left...

Overall, yes...he is a family man and I am a family girl. We both feel that we have the same priorities...we both "get it"...I enjoy having him there and sharing time and our lives together.

If this person feels like an additional burden...maybe he's not the one...

The comment about your bf laying on the couch watching football while you cooked stuck with me.

It is okay to have your groove, but do you invite him to participate in your home routine. Cook together, play together, etc. What is it that you want from the relationship?

Maybe he's feeling like the odd man out. Put yourself in his shoes.

Maybe you two just need to talk about what each of you expect.

Good luck!

Thanks for the comments. We have been dating over a year and even befcame engaged. I was going to move in with him this summer but his ex put a huge wrench in our plans as well as his kids.

I have realized he is too controlled by his ex wife, his kids and his parents. I have decided to end things as I do not see that they will go forward.

I am not looking to get married tomorrow or anything but I am looking to someday build a life with someone that has the same goals and lifestyle I do.

Today he is not the one and who knows what will happen in the future. For now I will continue to work on me and raise my kids. If and when someone else comes along I will take it from there.