Last night I was playing cards with a former female love partner. Having been away from her for several weeks I have come to realise that their is nothing between us. She is bad news and wants too much her way and is rude when she doesn't get it. Last night she did that rude thing while playing cards because she wanted HER view on a news story known. To make the story short, I was tired of giving in all the time so I insisted on my right to have my say. That got me kicked out of her apartment. Upon realising that in reality I had done nothing wrong I did a couple of things inmy place and I felt relaxed and guilt free. She is codependant as I am. She is in denial of it now....unlike before. I'm interested in getting better. She is obviously not the appropriate type of person to be involved with. But geuss what! We are next store neighbors! And my social life is a big "0". I'm going to try to change that. I dropped into a volunteer center in a neighboring municipality to offer to volunteer there. It would be nice if there is something that would be a fit for me that gets me among other volunteers and increase my chances of meeting people. The only real thing that has held me back is anxiety which is a concequence of major trauma experienced as a kid. But the worst that can happen is that it won't work out. And I'll have experience I didn't have before....and maybe a friend or two. I've since joined another group. That is a great group. The first time I was able to be truly ME for a long time without condemnation. There is hope. But my neighbor does not carry a glimmer of that hope. One day she might move. Than I'll have total peace. "Nothing remains the same", as one sage has said.
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