I'm in a long distance relationship with a remarkable, loving, wonderful woman. We both consider ourselves lucky. We made a conscious choice to wait until we had been together a year before moving in together, resisting the urge to rush into a live-in situation because we both know what we have is special and we don't want to blow it by moving too fast. That said, I drive 3 hours (each way) to see her every weekend, and when her work schedule permits, she comes to me. We have both talked seriously about marriage, making a life together, and we are both committed 100 percent , even through the hard times. So this is where I share about the hard times: we both work our asses off and don't have enough money to make ends meet. There are solutions to this, of course, but she has more weighing on her than I do--mortgage for a two story house, car payments, and other pricey bills. I have ...next to nothing in terms of material possessions and, as a result, my bills are minimal compared to hers. Still I don't earn enough right now to support myself and help with her finances--if I could, I would.My point is, she is extremely stressed and breaking down. She often refuses to discuss all the things that are eating at her, saying she would rather focus on something else during our precious little time together, or on the phone during nights when we are apart. I understand that everyone handles things differently, but this leaves a lot of things not up for discussion- -and then she gets tense and easily frustrated with me, or blows up, or breaks down, or gets jealous or insecure and accuses me of not being present with her (most of my life is communicating with her, visiting her, except when im working) She had great support for years--recovery groups, therapy, good friends and family. She still has strong friends and family , but I don't think she really shares her struggles fully with anyone except me--and that's only sometimes. Also, she has chronic pain. The lack of decent income, plus overworking, leaves her unable to pay for basic expenses, much less the kind of healthcare she neends. I'm deeply worried. ..I try to just listen and be present. I offered solutions, support, but she seems to not appreciate that so I stopped making suggestions. I can't be her only support , and i can't make her reach out for the support she needs. Basic conversations turn into fights, she thinks I'm judging her, she snaps and gets defensive if I want to address anything of depth or importance. ...I don't know what to do. We went to ttherapy one time. She liked it, wanted to go again, but hasn't been available since that first visit. I don'tknow what to do. Willing to do anything to support her, but I feel like she is spiraling in stress, further away from me. I understand why she's stressed. I want to help but she keeps snapping at me.
I hear you all talk about doctors, meds, surgery. Am I crazy? I have stopped seeing doctors all together for my pain. I have scoliosis, bulging discs, degenerative disc disease, neuropathy caused by my sciatic nerve being crushed. I just need a break, do you feel like your doctors REALLY help you? I am just curious...
Feeling lonely today. I wish I had someone to go to the fair with or swimming or watch a movie...out to eat. Just a good person to spend time with.