I would say, she is trying to spare your feelings. It has always been, IMHO that when relationships move foward, our friends take a back seat, so to speak. Could be too, that since he knows about your relationship he views you as a threat. Which could also put a wedge between you and her. Just my thoughts. I know its hard, but try to be patient with her, if you want to continue a friendship with her. Good luck to you, Ian.

Hmmmm....ya know what...women r crazy. Im serious. They'r nuts.
When my ex & I broke it off we agreed 2 be friends. Im the type of person that can change jus like that....after everything is said & done & thers nothin left in the relationship I hav absolutely No problem being friends. Wel, it didn work 4 me so well, cuz my ex is the type that wants every1 2 b in Love w/her. So she wouldnt tel me anything about her new relationship unless she thot I only wanted 2 know because I was jealous that she was w/sum1 else. I really tried 2 b friends & do the friend thing, "like omg where'd he take u & what'd he get u" & all that blah, blah, blah crap. But she'd tel me I was askin 2 many questions or it was none of my business or some kind of off the wall junk. Which would piss me off & Id call her crazy....2 this day I stil dont understand her sometimes. Anyhoo, we all work 2gether & they started goin 2 lunch 2gether everyday. Which I didn mind. Then his friend, who also works w/us, started goin w/them. So I figured wel, they must b past the 'alone' lunches. So 1 day i asked what they were doin 4 lunch & if I mite could come along. She said she'd have 2 ask her boyfriend.....um, hellur? cant make decisions on ur own? Wel, the verdict was they wanted 2 go alone...but his friend went w/them. I kinda got the pic after that, but I thot he didnt like me. Later, HE invited me 2 lunch....she was shocked when she found out, so it enticed me 2 speak w/him privately & casually mention the 1 time Id asked about goin 2 lunch & ben told they'd wanted alone time. Come 2 find out she'd never asked him. Another time, he invited me 2 his house 2 a party with a group of his friends & my ex (BTW he didn & doesnt know we were ever 2gether). While on my way there my ex called me, from his house, & told me that I shouldnt show up & she was only tryin 2 save me cuz she KNEW I wouldnt fit in & she KNEW his friends wouldnt like me. I didn go. And later he was hurt because he thot I just blew them off....he never knew she'd called & told me not 2 come. The fact is SHE didn want me around and at the same time she kept harping on me about being friends. It was one of the most confusing times of my life. 2 this day I do not 'hang' with them. They'r married now. We'r all friends, but the most we do is meet for lunch at work. We'v planned a few wkend dinners/movies w/my gf & me & them, but she's always come up w/an excuse not 2 go at the last minute.
So really, I dont have a real answer 2 ur problem. But I thot Id share my story. I learned that I dont know why my friend is a loon. And I learned that I had 2 stop stressin myself over tryin 2 make sense of her crazy actions. BTW, the more Id stopped caring about 'what was goin on w/her'(when they were dating), the more she started comin around again, sayin "had I ever thot about goin bac 2 the way it was". I had 2 say....oh but No loony-toon! But, thats another book. Lol.
Dont stress urself so much. For some reason, she doesnt want u 2 know everything & its jus something u hav 2 learn 2 accept.

Well, it's not really advice. I'm not very good at advising people on things I'm having problems with myself. So it's just some thoughts I had.

BeJaRa sounds like she might have something there. It seems like when I or someone else finds a new romantic interest friends often take a back seat. I don't have any real life experience with fears that the new love interest might have about me, well maybe come to think of it I have--but only when the new romantic interest my ex has is another woman. Things can get dicey. Yet, I think then my ex may have been even more worried about how I felt or how her new interest felt than either I or the new interest did. I was once told by a RC Sister that if I loved the one I had been with I should let her go and if it was meant to be she would return. She warned me though that if I didn't really let her go and only pretended while waiting for her to return constipation in my life might set in. All I know is that the woman I was with when she told me this never did come back. She went back to Colorado and got constipation herself hiding from me like she did when she left her first partner. So who knows. In all of this I'm reminded of the complexities in the movie, "Brokeback Mountain."

TTFN