Well today is just another day in my single life. I have found friends to hang out with to keep me busy. I'm going on my first date since the broke up on Saturday. I don't know if i'm ready or not but I've made it clear to her that its friends only at first and then we'll see. I'm just not ready yet. Yesterday Tara and I went thru a series of e-mails. Mostly her being mean to me and asking me why i lied about who i was with. Well i didnt lie about who i was with I just didnt tell her that the girl I was with was gay, but trust me she's just a friend. She wants more but my heart belonged to Tara. Well i told her that we can still be friends because we have been for a year now and she's been a good friend. There has never been anything sexual not even a kiss between us. Beleive this or not dumb ass me was in love with Tara. I had to have been to put up with all of the fighting, her control issue the drinking and the drugs. I put up with a lot, more than anyone should. Well last night was pretty bad, i talked to Tara on the phone and she had to get off she started crying. well when we got off the phone my 3 year old told me to be her girlfriend again and my 4 year old told me to ask her to marry me then he started crying. God that hurt bad. I have tried everything to get her back. I've told her the truth, i told her about this web site and i've been completely honest with her and asked her to continue to go to Therapy with me. She wont. So, all i know to do is cut off talking to her completly and move on with my life. I think that would be the best for me and the kids. The hard thing is I've been married twice and Tara was my first love.
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