Thinking about leaving my girlfriend. Someday, anyway. Now is definitely not the best time, since I just moved BACK in with her after our many fights.... I feel like I've changed my address with the post office a thousand times. Anyway... I also cannot stand on my own financially right now, so to move out now would be a disaster. However, she is seriously verbally abusive and obviously does not love me. She has said some really horrible things that I won't even repeat here because thinking about the things she said makes me want to jump off a cliff. I think she is just using me to have someone to control. I hate the person I've become since I've been with her. I'm angry and taking that anger out on everyone else around me. I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror anymore because I hate myself SO MUCH! I have said and done things to her too, and I'm having trouble forgiving myself for the fact that I could ever hurt someone like that. We used to love each other, or so I thought. We've really had some wonderful times together and I guess the memories of our past experiences was what was keeping me there with her. Now, even with the positive memories, I don't think there's anything left. I don't know. I do love her and don't want to leave, but I think I'm going to have to..... I know it will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I doubt I will come out of it okay. I am pretty sure something like that will make me have a terrible breakdown, but well I guess that is life. I am so stressed and depressed but I guess I know this will be better in the long run.
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