Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

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deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi all im 26 from Sunny England.

My story starts like this -

I began a relationship with a girl 4 years ago. We brought a house together. Unfortunately the relationship came to an end after months of abuse from my partner. Throughout my relationship and before i was seriously attracted to a girl from work. Incredibly gorgeous, infact maybe the most beautiful girl i have ever laid my eyes on. We always flirted and there was always something with us. She lived with a guy at the time and i was with my girlfriend so nothing ever happened between us. Then i split with my girlfriend and this amazing girl from work told me she had feelings for me. For months we began seeing eachother and then she left her partner and moved in with me. She was unhappy with him and seemed to want to spend all her time with me. She suffers with depression and has had a hell of alot of heartache and bad times. I find it hard some days as she can be horrible. Alot of the time her ex winds her up so much she takes out all her frustration on me. Not in a physical way, just verbally and her attitude towards me. I love this girl more than i love anything in the whole world. We have great days and some bad ones. We never seem to get a clear run at things. When its good she is lovely behond belief. She cant seem to let her ex go, but says its hard for her as they spent 6 years together and have a child together. I would support her in anything and the last few weeks we have got so close but i know it wont last and we will end up at square one again. Im trying to help her to face her demons and i do my best to help her, to make her smile, to love her. I do know she loves me but i think she loves her ex too. Im the supportive one and he's her past and the father of her child. He brings out all the worst in her. She is becoming so so strong and so wise about things. I love her when she is talking sense but hate her when she lets him wind her up and then i get all her shit. Will there ever be a time when things are normal and she faces her demons and truly loves me back ??

Sorry if im rambling !

xx
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, on one hand this is a very romantic story. She left her ex for you - how wonderful! But now, you have to deal with the repercussions. People should be OUT of relationship for awhile before jumping into another. It gives them time to heal and to really let go. She's struggling with all of this now and you have to deal with it. She SHOULD NOT be taking it out on you. That's misdirected and you should be very firm with her about that. She also sounds like she needs counseling from a professoinal. This would help her set up boundries between herself and her ex so that he doesn't 'wind her up'. You both might seek some couples counseling too if she's abusing you verbally. Good luck!
peace, t
deleted_user
deleted_user
hi, thanks for that. Your right in many ways. I feel im stuck in a rut. Potentially she is the perfect girl but as weeks go by i come to realise i cant give anymore than what i already have. Im extremely laid back in everything or i used to be. I have felt myself becoming uptight and completely insecure. I have changed for the worst in some ways but in others i have been too open with how i feel. No matter how good it gets now or in the future i dont think she will ever be the girl i know she can/wants to be. She knows i love her but she can just walk away from me. When i asked her to move in we agreed on the friends thing. I too believe thats best for her. Its just hard for me as now i have become the one she has everyday problems with and the ex is the exciting one. Im completely petrified that she will get her life sorted and all her issues and be the girl i know she can be - but not with me. Thats incredibly selfish i know. Nothing i ever do is good enough. I know one day i will find someone special and build a life with and i will look back on this and remember the good times and smile. Its so hard to let go. xx

Anyway - any single gorgeous girls out there give me a shout ! ! xxx
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your role will always be to help her through the tough times. She walked away from a part of her life for you, that's the downside. Apart of her doesn't like what she did,but she did it to be happy. She will always punish herself and she will always think of herself as being selfish. The only thing you can do is to be there and love her and let her know its okay to have split emotions about it all.

My partner left her husband of 14 years for me, she walked a way from security and he was the primary for the children,even though they was with us a great deal of the time. But the heartbreak of leaving her children and the guilty of not wanting to be with him was a lot for her to deal with on a daily basis.

I had to learn to keep loving and keep being there even when she was stepping on me, because I was the one she choose and I loved her.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi! I'm concerned by a couple of things in your post: a) you left one abusive relationship for what's becoming (is already) another. b) This line: Im completely petrified that she will get her life sorted and all her issues and be the girl i know she can be - but not with me. I really believe that if you love something it should be altruistic and, even if not with you, you would want her to be her best. I'm not trying to be harsh, just honest. I had two abusive relationships back to back and during the second, others recognized the pattern while I did not. Thankfully, I was able to leave and do what was best for me. You also didn't say how long you were single in between these two ladies. It sounds like you both need some time on your own to find your ways independently. Then, once healthy, perhaps you will be able to be together. If not, at least you will both be more emotionally stable. I agree with Tatum - sounds like you may each need counseling although I would recommend individual along with couples counseling.

I wish you luck, sweets. Be true to yourself!
deleted_user
deleted_user
hey babe. Thanks for your reply. I would ruin my own life to make her happy and all i have ever wanted for her is to be happy. I think i said what i said and didnt really explain what i meant properly. Sorry. Abusive is a hard word to compare both relationships. L is not abusive to me exactly. She takes out her frustration on me in her attitude towards me. I have made her sound like she gives me some serious verbal abuse and that is incorrect. My first relationship was violent and extremely verbally abusive. L is having a hard time and i appear to be the one that gets all the bad stuff. I assume thats because i live with her. I think i was trying to say that if she leaves and gets sorted and is happier i would feel like i hadnt done enough to help her, that maybe i have added to her problems and not made them better. Confused, coz i am - tough to explain.

Big hug for ur reply and for ur help - much appreciated xxxxxxx
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hang in there! Love is not easy to find. If she'll let you two go to counseling together to a great counselor it really help a lot. If not, try to find a church like MCC who will accept and love you as a couple. The love of gay Christians has gotten me through more stuff than I could every say.
deleted_user
deleted_user
she has decided to leave and go back to her ex's as she will be more motivated and be a better mother. I feel shit. The pain in my stomach is horrible. My whole year and all we had is virtually gone. I have tried so hard to support her but its just not enough. I think when u truly love someone the motivation would be here right ? You shouldnt just instantly get it back with someone else.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hey Hun,

My heart goes out to you it really does.

Its difficult to let go of the one person who you love. I am still going through it after 14months from a 6yr split.

All I can say is it does get easier in time, slowly but surely.

I have read all the comments and probable agree with most. If she has decided to leave then that too has been a hard decision for her. You cant keep someone there who doesnt want to be there and all you end up doing is hurting the both of you. Your both unhappy with the relationship for different reasons. Its no ones fault...

What I would say though is take time out to find yrself gagain and who you really are.
as you cant make anuone else happpy if your not happy with yrself....

I know I am there.....

Tiny x
deleted_user
deleted_user
finally lost the girl. 2.25pm today. Lost, miss the boy, what a waste of something so so special once. Never even had a chance.
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