I am in a rut and I don't know how to get out. My gf broke up with me pretty much because she "loves" someone. She also loves me but I guess it is too hard to decide between the two of us. I am feeling really guilty right now... And confused, etc. My gf doesn't like my friends and gets mad at me if I go out with my friends sometimes. She doesn't necessarily say "I am mad", but she acts annoyed. I have always felt like I need to be careful and tell her everything so she doesn't get mad. Maybe I have always been paranoid. Now, she doesn't even want to be with me and I am still talking to her like 24/7 and am trying to make her happy by not hanging out with my friends a lot. I am a different person since I started dating this girl. I withdrew from my family and friends. I didn't spend as much time with my mom. I feel like I have been somewhere else and have missed everything around me. I feel like a terrible person. I hung out with my friends once this week and spent some time with family. I try to talk to my mom more. However, I feel like I have lost the close bond I used to have with my mom. I feel like a ghost or something. The person I used to be liked to go outside and spend lots of time with her mom. I used to feel guiltless if I hung out with my friends. Now, I am watching my words and being careful of who I talk to. I feel guilt when I even exercise. I admit I was/am addicted to my gf/ex gf. I have a problem I know.. But I feel so hooked and like I don't want to lose my gf at the same time. I want out but I want in. I am afraid I have ruined things with those around me. I am afraid that I have let life pass me by... I don't know how to pick myself up. When I am with my friends, I text my ex when they aren't looking. I know I sound crazy... I just don't know how to deal.
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