Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

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/ Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

Confused, Frustrated

deleted_user
deleted_user
My girlfriend and I have had a rough time with this relationship. We fighting over stupid things, i've broken up with her several times, but we still seen to end up back in each others arms. I know that i've had a couple of topics on here and what it all breaks down to is that she likes to control me and everything around me, its getting better because i'm not letting her have the control anymore. Anyway, the bad thing is that i am in love with her, which is the sad part. I've changed my whole world for her. I came out to my family including kids, and ex's, and all of my friends which got me into a rough custody battle for my sons. i've moved into my own place and i've even tried to look at her point of view on how i raise my kids. well, we've been together for 11 months now and i'm ready to move in/talk about our future together. When it comes to these subjects she reminds me of a man. Everytime I bring up moving in she has an excuse from not wanting to, even though she's there everyday and night, the excuses range from i have 4 kids, 2 ex-husbands, never been on my own, oh yell everyone needs to adjust. Anyway, last night i ask her why she doesn't talk about marriage and being my wife, again another excuse, she thru in my face that I haven't taken responcibilty for my pass marriages, that i just could have said "no", that's another story. There always seems to be an excuse not to talk about these things , our lives together, she says that she's going to spend the rest of her life with me and i'm the one. When i think about how she doesn't want to talk about moving in or me being my wife it reminds me of being with a man that totally avoid the subject because he's doesn't want that with you. I really need advice, should i take sometime away from her to think, maybe so she can think? i'm a women i want to plan these things especially since she's the first person that i've ever beein in love with and this is the first time taht i've ever wanted to marry someone and have given all of my heart to. I just can't figure out if she loves me and i'm the one why its so hard for her to move in or talk about being my wife, to make plans talk about our wedding??? Am i being a fool? Or is she just playing with my heart? Don't understand...
deleted_user
deleted_user
There doesn't seem to be much in this relationship for you. Do you really want to live with/marry someone who is so intolerant/dismissive/jealous? It's hard to leave our first loves. But compromise doesn't seem to be her forte. If you can't figure out whether or not she loves you - she probably doesn't. The relationship sounds like it's borderline abusive. Take some time to evaluate her as a partner. She seems to fall short of the mark. She may not want the responsibility of 4 stepchildren. Who knows? But, she definetly has some issues (drugs included). peace, t
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know what you're saying and it is very hard to leave her. i think she's such a control freak that she wants to be the one to decide when its time to move forward and when its not. she's always telling me that she loves me so much and that she wants to spend her life with me that i'm the one. i just dont know what to think anymore. and yes, she does do drug, alot less since she's been with me because i dont do drugs at all and she likes to drink, that has slowed down as well, she has no kids and lived the single life. its hard to pull away from her now, she's came out to her family to be with me, her family are Pentacostal's so it was hard for her and she is bonding with the kids. my 15 year old that she's closer too slipped up last night and said "good nite love you guys". so, now i have to worry about pulling them away from her when their just now bonding, they include her as the family so does my 3 and 4 year olds. now my 11 year old think she's taking me away from her, so the bonding isn't really there. i am just so confused on what to do.. i do think time away would probably be the best, but how do i tell her? i've broken up with her 3 times and the next day she was on my door step.... how do i tell her i need time??
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'll be blunt - you don't need TIME you need someone who understands you and doesn't bicker with you all the time. Re-evaluate her value as a human being and gf. Does she have the qualities and values you'd be interested in? It's better to get it over now rather than wait till the kids really ARE attached. Finding someone who is a good stepparent is nearly impossible to do and the kids MUST come first.
peace, t
deleted_user
deleted_user
Let me share something with you, real world.

My partner and I was together for 12 years. 12 crazy, upside down, out of control, and totally you guys should not be together type things.

She was controlling with her love at first. And in the begining I didn't mind, because I was still in the first stages of love, Oh BABY WHAT EVER YOU WANT OR NEED. Lasted for about a year. Second stage of Love, I call it the What About me, this is my relationship too phase. She was totally taken by surprise, I dare I change the rules, you were not this way a year ago. We got through by her excepting my growth, and by me letting Iher control somethings, holding my tongue and I sure she held hers some too.

In between the second and third stages we had to do some parenting. Boy talk about two different view on that, we meet some where in the middle by mistake. But we got there.

Stage four we developed mutual respect, she had her likes and I had mine, but we both agreed that we loved each other more than we dislike the bad qualities in the other, those were rough times, seperations, bad break ups and everything, we learned the hard way, but it worked.

5th stage, uncontrollable lust for each other, her needs my needs, we made sure the needs were meet, again by accident.

I didn't to the 6th stage with her, she died.

All of things that happened by accident, just what was going on, talking and listening. Weighing how things would be without this person in my life.

Looking back I wouldn't change a thing, maybe just one, She would have live long enough for stage 6.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Let me share something with you, real world.

My partner and I was together for 12 years. 12 crazy, upside down, out of control, and totally you guys should not be together type things.

She was controlling with her love at first. And in the begining I didn't mind, because I was still in the first stages of love, Oh BABY WHAT EVER YOU WANT OR NEED. Lasted for about a year. Second stage of Love, I call it the What About me, this is my relationship too phase. She was totally taken by surprise, I dare I change the rules, you were not this way a year ago. We got through by her excepting my growth, and by me letting Iher control somethings, holding my tongue and I sure she held hers some too.

In between the second and third stages we had to do some parenting. Boy talk about two different view on that, we meet some where in the middle by mistake. But we got there.

Stage four we developed mutual respect, she had her likes and I had mine, but we both agreed that we loved each other more than we dislike the bad qualities in the other, those were rough times, seperations, bad break ups and everything, we learned the hard way, but it worked.

5th stage, uncontrollable lust for each other, her needs my needs, we made sure the needs were meet, again by accident.

I didn't to the 6th stage with her, she died.

All of things that happened by accident, just what was going on, talking and listening. Weighing how things would be without this person in my life.

Looking back I wouldn't change a thing, maybe just one, She would have live long enough for stage 6.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry, sweetie. She's not in love with you. Someone that truly loves you will not put you through that hell. Everyone here can and will tell you to walk away, but you will not do that until YOU are ready. You neet to take care of you first and foremost.
deleted_user
deleted_user
she says that she's never loved anyone as much as she loves me, i dont know what to beleive....
deleted_user
deleted_user
she may love you but she loves the control factor more. you need to talk to her to see how she truly feels about things and if she wont discuss it then set boundaries. so that way she can't control every part of your relationship.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well...In my opinion it sounds like you're the one in love with her, and she's just in it to not bew alone, but seems afraid of the commitment of a true relationship. Perhaps you should take some time for yourself, away from her, to get a better perspective on the situation. If she truely loves you, then that will be her time to shine and step up to the plate. Don't put your kids throught the wringer by getting attached to her, if she's really not serious about the relationship.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well congratualtions for realizing that you can love a woman! now go on about raising your beautiful children, get invloved in Family Pride monthly events and go meet a woman fully capable of loving you AND your children!

PS. She might want to be your husband! ;)
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