Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Ok so it's not rly relationship related but it is lesbian related.
First let me provide a little background information: I have never been the type to wear dresses, doll myself up, or anything else girlie. A tomboy since I was young, I grew up playing football and riding dirt bikes with the neighborhood kids, catching snakes and toads with which to feed to them with my cousins, and just spending hours outside, not coming in until it was dark and I was a mess. I have never liked being all girlie girlie, and never dressed that way.
After I was raped last December I spent a couple months not caring at all what I looked like when I went out (when I did venture out) because, well, I just didnt care. Then I started to come around again and wear decent clothes, only now I was donning more mens clothes then I had done in the past. It wasnt enough of a change to grab anyones attention, not right away anyways.
The mens clothes came for several reasons, I like them, I dont like the way most womens clothes are made to fit the body and stuff, and because I felt (feel) more comfortable, safer, walking in public (even in my own apartment) because Im not dressed to be attractive to men, to rapists (not that I ever terribly was but even less so now). Now I have long hair, I like my long hair, my fiance likes my long hair, I dont wear it down very often at all though. I like the way I dress, the way I present myself, its who I am.
The problem is.my parents, especially my mom. My dad mostly just picks on me, and finds a spot here and there to get in his opinion, but my mom is another story. She hates it. Shes always on my case about it, always, a few weeks ago she even said to me why dont you just go get a sex change?. That hurt. Shes always saying things like look at this shirt, its not too girlie or trying to bribe me offering to buy me new clothes, but they will not be mens, and its so infuriating.
Ive tried and tried to talk to them about it, to no avail, so I just dont say anything anymore. Problem with that is, theres this ball of rage building up inside, and it gets bigger each time something is said. Im not going to be able to control it forever, Im not even sure Ill be able to control it for very much longer, I know my own limits pretty well.
What is their problem? How do I get them off my case for once? I need some help, some advice, anything would be greatly appreciated.
First let me provide a little background information: I have never been the type to wear dresses, doll myself up, or anything else girlie. A tomboy since I was young, I grew up playing football and riding dirt bikes with the neighborhood kids, catching snakes and toads with which to feed to them with my cousins, and just spending hours outside, not coming in until it was dark and I was a mess. I have never liked being all girlie girlie, and never dressed that way.
After I was raped last December I spent a couple months not caring at all what I looked like when I went out (when I did venture out) because, well, I just didnt care. Then I started to come around again and wear decent clothes, only now I was donning more mens clothes then I had done in the past. It wasnt enough of a change to grab anyones attention, not right away anyways.
The mens clothes came for several reasons, I like them, I dont like the way most womens clothes are made to fit the body and stuff, and because I felt (feel) more comfortable, safer, walking in public (even in my own apartment) because Im not dressed to be attractive to men, to rapists (not that I ever terribly was but even less so now). Now I have long hair, I like my long hair, my fiance likes my long hair, I dont wear it down very often at all though. I like the way I dress, the way I present myself, its who I am.
The problem is.my parents, especially my mom. My dad mostly just picks on me, and finds a spot here and there to get in his opinion, but my mom is another story. She hates it. Shes always on my case about it, always, a few weeks ago she even said to me why dont you just go get a sex change?. That hurt. Shes always saying things like look at this shirt, its not too girlie or trying to bribe me offering to buy me new clothes, but they will not be mens, and its so infuriating.
Ive tried and tried to talk to them about it, to no avail, so I just dont say anything anymore. Problem with that is, theres this ball of rage building up inside, and it gets bigger each time something is said. Im not going to be able to control it forever, Im not even sure Ill be able to control it for very much longer, I know my own limits pretty well.
What is their problem? How do I get them off my case for once? I need some help, some advice, anything would be greatly appreciated.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
if you can't talk to them try writting a letter stating how they are making you feel.
my g/f buys mens clothes simply cos they fit her body shape better.
try telling your mum you don't choose her clothes so why should she interfere with what you wear.
my mum could never get me to wear a dress when i was younger unless it was an event like a wedding even then i use to hate it.mums got a lovely photo of a wedding with me in a dress scowling lol.
it's your body,your life,your choice dress how you feel comfortable.
Anyway... If that's the way you want to dress, then dress like that. Just understand that there's nothing wrong with looking 'nice' too. Wearing a well-fit t-shirt and jeans is not going to make a guy pounce on you and rape you.
I speak from experience. I was sexually abused as a child, and when I started 'budding', I started wearing boy's clothes that were way too big for me. I started to gain a lot of weight as well because I didn't want boys to look at me. I hated it when a boy gave me a compliment. It made me feel so horrible.
But I've come to realize that doing that is just giving the person more power. I have to be myself, and turns out I'm a person who actually likes to look like a girl.
So if you're really happy dressing like that, then there's nothing wrong with it, and your parents are just going to have to get over it. Which they will eventually. They're being really insensitive right now, and you can point that out to them and tell them how much it hurts your feelings. If that doesn't work, you're just going to have to try to be strong in the face of their callousness.
Are you seeing a therapist for the trauma?