Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

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Am I reading it right / or wrong

deleted_user
deleted_user
I recently as of three months ago, just ran into the love of my life after nearly 24 yrs. We live in the same town, and to say why we never seen each other, I wouldn't know.. But 24 yrs ago.. she was my first.. in a lot of different ways. And when it ended.. I did tell her i never wanted to see her again... now fast forward and she has been trying to search for me for about 5 yrs.. before that she was in a long term partnership, with probably the love of her life. And after running into each other .. were the feelings had been deep down inside of me, they resurface .. to where I feel the same .. . but with her I just can't read it... this is why I am asking for anyone advice..
After her heartfelt apology for what happening 24 before... she still kept calling ..and we would chat a lot about anything and everything... and so when i started feeling.. those old feelings... i told her... but her reply was .. she just wanted to be friends... so i know that just being friends was going to be too hard on me... so i wanted to just say bye... and everything was fine.. but she kept calling .. and so i decide ok... just be friends... keep that in your mind at all times.... the thing is ... i feel like she is sending me signals... because she will call me first thing in the morning.. last thing at night... she tells me how much she misses me... so i asked her.. if i could make love to her... and i thought that with that , it would help me get over the great never going to happen love... at first she said yes... then when i was trying to settle plans with her.. she really didn't want to. so now.. even though its love on my side.. i know that she just wants to be friends... no matter the long looks she gives me.. which i must really be wrong about.. or I never call my other friends so much ..
My question is ..maybe 24 yrs made me more unattractive to her, or maybe she just really isn't in to me like that, or could it be because she would feel like she was cheating on her long time partner.. because i want to be there for her.. as a friend.. but my heart is really starting to break.. and i just dont know what I should do.. if she keeps saying just friends.. but i want more ... that doesnt make me a good friend.. please any advice is wanted because .. i seriously cant talk to anyone else about this.. no one would really understand...
loiacki
loiacki
Wow...I tend to think she must have some feelings but maybe she is unsure and testing the waters? I think you have enough history th where you should be able to sit down and have a real conversation and get to the bottom of what is going on in her head and her heart.

You have been so cautious and so strong so far in all of this. I know it must be hard. You have a right to know what she is thinking. Hang in there...I don't blame you for feeling the way you do, I know it's hard and painful.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If she says she only wants to be friends, believe her. She has some feelings or she would not have said yes, only to say no later. However, you really do not know what is stopping her. First, I would be very careful about questioning yourself for anything. Until you both sit down and have a heart to heart talk, it is her ball game. This one is tuff, but I still believe that the "truth" is the best, so have that heart to heart talk. If she says no to the talk, she has stated her case, "I only want to be friends". One last question, why is she only looking foir friendship after so many years? I would, definitely make one more try at serious communications before letting her go or giving into her friendship only space.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Kannsarah's rite. U need 2 get 2 the bottom of this. But if she wont talk U'l just have 2 go with "friends". It really does sound weird. She looked for u for 5yrs & then just wants friendship? Hmm...is there someone else that she's not tellin u bout mayb, but she does want something w/u, but at the same time doesnt want to mess up ur friendship after uve finally found each other after all this time? Now Im jus confusin myself. Sure Im not helpin u any. I dont know. Some ppl are just weird. I gave all kinds of jacked up signals 2 my partner when we 1st started talkin. I was scared, confused, head over heals 4 her...thats what was goin thru my mind anyway. She had completely different thoughts goin thru hers....I almost scared her off. Id jus try my best to get an honest straight answer out of her. Good Luck.
iheartmzb
iheartmzb
what about this long term partner "probably the love of her life" was there a break up? Was it messy? A death? That might make a big difference in her mixed feelings/confusion/hesitency/fear level. That could be a conversation starter.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Definitely sit down with her and find out what is going on. It seems as though there are definitely mixed signals. You are definitely in a tough situation with the way you are feeling. It's difficult when you have feelings for someone and they do not feel the same way. Hang in there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would like to thank everyone for their reply, because it does help, when other people listen.. and I really needed someone to listen.
As for the love of her life , she was with her until her death in 2001.
After reading all the replies, I do know that I have to talk with her.. but I also know that in my heart , that I will not be able to stay in her life as just a friend.. but i thank each and every one of you that responded .. because by listening ... you really helped..
deleted_user
deleted_user
Be patient and trust your intuition. Just reading what you wrote, it sounds like this person does have feelings for you, but needs time and patience (love). Compassion. Give it to them. Be their friend. Take the pressure off and let them take the lead. It might happen faster than you'd expect. IDK, can you just get close to them by holding their hand and other stuff? Let them get comfortable with you? They may need the comfort and stability of the emotions in order to make love. It's actually a smart decision, one made out of the love they have for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with most of the other replies, you really do need to sit down and have a heart to heart, no relationship, friendship or more, can progress without honest open communication. And somewhere in this honesty you need to let her know that your feelings were buried not dead. You still love her and it is simply too painful to be "just friends" to ask that of someone that is in love with you is not fair or healthy for either person involved. But without open honest communication you will never know the possibilities and neither will she. When you consider the fact of being "just friends", if she begins dating someone else, is that something you can deal with and still remain "just friends"? Just a little food for thought before relegating yourself into that "just friends" slot.
starynitesky05
starynitesky05
a heart to heart talk i agree with too.
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