So my girl and I met online more than a year ago, we were both married (to men) and not looking for another, we instantly had a connection and we cloaked it in "long lost sisters". We both felt so much more but it went unspoken. We are on opposite sides of the world literally so that makes it more complicated, thank goodness for skype. Last year I separated and things got very nasty with him filing for divorce and primary custody. She has been my rock, literally by my side everyday since then. In November I told her in a moment I loved her so much more than a sister and much to my surprise she confirmed she did as well. So we planned towards her spring visit, our first physical meeting that coincided with the finalization of my divorce. I want the rest of my life with her, when we layed eyes in each other at the airport it was magic and we spent an amazing 6 weeks together exploring every aspect of our relationship. Then.... She returned home to her husband and life in her country. We both confirm daily how much we love each other, plan how we want to spend our every moment together ... Someday. I am afraid to be alone, I am afraid she will wake up and realize she isn't gay, she will not hurt or leave her husband yet she isn't happy with him she just has respect for him and doesn't want to hurt him or their grown children. She assures me we would not have been put together if we weren't meant to someday have the ability of a life together. I tell her I am a realist and know that potential that may never happen. I try to be support her in what she feels she needs to do, but personally am conflicted about being "the other woman" and causing her to be adulterous. Makes me sound like a bad person, I love her so completely we could have an amazing life together but do I have the right to want that given the position she is in. Just what if I invest all I am in us and we never have the ability to do more than visit once a year if we r lucky and talk via skype everyday. I want to be held and physically loved as well as share dinner, shopping, memories etc. Am I fooling myself holding onto someday, or maybe, or dreaming it might every be a real marriage?
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