I give up. I don't know what to do anymore, . I mean I know I deserved it, but I cant figure out what to do anymore. I know I'm not pretty so she likes it when I wear makeup and do my hair, but I was so tired and sick. She said that's probably why my last girlfriend cheated on me. She says that she needs me to "look" pretty. She says that her friends make comment's about me. Yes I don't like makeup, I have long hair and I wear comfy clothes. She say's I don't look like a lesbian. She says I'm not stylish or butch of truly femme or truly anything but a mess. Now she says that I'm getting fat.... I am five four and weigh 102 pounds. I don't feel fat, I quit smoking for her which is fine. I'm proud of my self for quitting and for gaining weight cuz I have eating issues already. She told me that if I don't get my act together I will no longer be welcomed in her world and the lesbian circle up here. I don't care about being apart of her little group Its' been so nice being with someone, but she is scaring me and last night she hurt me. I woke up to flowers and breakfast and her begging me never to tell anyone and how she is so sorry and has never done anything like that before but I just made her so mad. We have only been together for a couple of months. She can be so sweet, but I don't know what to do. It hurts me because I have fallen for her and I wanted this to work but it hurting me so much that I scared myself. I am so depressed and have been for a while and my anxiety level is through the roof at this point. My self esteem is pretty much gone and I don't think I have the strength anymore for anything. I just want someone who loves me, she says she loves me and reminds me that I am so lucky to have found her. Looking at the side of my face I don't feel lucky I guess. I am so heart broken and conflicted any thoughts would be great. thanks
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