I know your problem but my middle daughter who is allergic to dairy is not school aged yet but being a mother of three I know what it's like to try to keep dairy away. My middle daughter has to have every thing different from her sisters. We take great pains to make sure things are fair and have her cry when I have to say no you can't eat that or drink that. The thing that helps me is that she never had milk but breast milk and don't like the taste of milk so if she has a sip she'll through the cup and say not mine. She knows she drinks soy but not that her pizza or other foods are veggie cheese and not dairy. My sister had to have a ice cream cake for her birthday and we had to give her soy ice cream in stead and just gave it to her when she wasn't looking so she wouldn't notice. I know she'd want what she can't have. I fear what your going threw when she gets older since all my girls are at home right now with me. My eldest though goes to head start and I know stupidity of some people there. My eldest has seizures and they want to know why she's not aware of it. No one remembers seizures and she's way to small to know the signs if she has any. I don't think any one can explain and have a four year old understand with out fail health things. I wish you luck.

I know you posted this a while ago... but here goes anyway! I have a school aged son who is lactose intolerent. He also has NUMEROUS food allergies, dairy products is the least of his worries! I homeschool him now, but when he was in school, or when he is eating somewhere else now, I had to just make his own lunches. If the school wont accomodate her food allergies, and puts up that much of a fight, you need to change schools.(which you did!) That daycare should be ashamed of themselves! not only that but its a legal issue as well. If your child is in their care its THEIR responsibility to watch your child and be responsible for what goes in her! Children that age just dont know whats in their food. as she gets school(kindergarten on up) age you will run into more and more issues. School parties, kids bringing in snacks for everyone to share etc. Just make sure her teacher knows what allergies she has. Ask the teacher to check lables on everything. If the teacher has doubts about whether your child can eat something ask her to call you before feeding it to the child. Better yet, during a class party, try to be one of the parents who helps out if you can. If a school gives you any c**p again, Tell them your more than happy to have your attorney contact them about your daughters rights, and the schools lack of responsibility. I guarentee you will get results just from the threat!
Also talk to the kitchen staff. Make them aware of your childs allergies. They will help your daughter make proper food choices, and will tell her if there is something she cant have. No one knows better whats in the food than the head chef! All the school chefs
were GREAT at making sure my son didnt eat something he couldnt. All they need is to be informed. (eventually my son had so many allergies it was impossible to feed him at school, so it was just easier to bring lunches)
Best of luck to ya and do let us know how its all working out for you!

I work at a daycare/preschool and can't believe you have so much trouble. A child in my class is alleric to dairy and soy and we are always so carefull. We have all allergies posted and even teachers in other classes know about them...just incase they are filling in. I am very carefull, I would be so upset if I gave something to a child who had a known allergy to it.