As in earlier posts and in my profile i have discussed my illness so i wont go into to detail here it is basically a bad kidney disease which only a transplant is going to fix. I have been passed from one test to another and from one specialist in this hospital to another in another hospital to be passed back to the previous doctors who start the process over again, i have been taking morphine for the pain now daily for 5 years i have had pain for about 10 years but over the last 5 it has hit me hard, my mobility is severely affected and can only walk a few feet before the pain prevents me going further i am 34 and have 4 gorgeous children and a beautiful wife who tends to my every need, but to be honest my life is not a life at the moment it is an existence, i feel i am a burden on my family , i cant do things with my kids as the pain rules that out, i cant work so i feel a drain on the tax payer for the benefits i get. i feel no better than a heroin user (sorry for seeming this is judgemental it isn't i could only relate to heroin as the medication i am on is opium based) i am also been placed on medication to stop me vomiting, as through not able to exercise i have put on weight i can't sleep for more than 3 hours at a time i am deeply depressed and i receive medication for that i have epilepsy too just to top it off. i feel like ending my life at times i really do, i feel worthless and see no light at the end of the tunnel. I cant talk to my wife how i really feel as i feel she copes with far more than she should and don't want to add another worry to her huge list, i tried talking to the doctor how i feel but they fobbed me off with drugs and that weas that. what can i do because to be honest the topic heading of this post is so true this is really killing me i have never felt so low in all my life. my get up and go has got up and left i have no friends outside these four walls i feel so lonely please please anyone i need a friend.
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