Hi I am white and my partner is mixed. White/Nicaraguan. I am 33 he is 28 we have been together for about 2 years. I have been to meet his family in Nicaragua and am in general very supportive of him and try to understand his frustration with being mixed and not quite fitting in, in any world. He speaks Spanish, I don't (very little). We were going to have a commitment ceremony, but last fall when we were going to tell our families he backed out for lots of reasons but one being that I am white and that he always imagined having a more diverse family. It was so hard for me, I cant change my skin color or my experience of whiteness. he said that if I was brown he would marry me in a heartbeat and that i am amazing in so many ways. I just feel dumbfounded. I stared to hate brown women which I could be like that that - but that was very quick to remind my self that no man ever leads me to hate my sisters especially the most oppressed group of women...so we've continued to talk about it and he's apologized and m just sad inside. I want a baby, a family. I am open to adopting children, but I would like to give birth once. He always said this was possible but now im not so sure. Really I want a secure family i want him to be excited about creating a creature that is the two of us, not concerned with the color or the baby. He sees that us having a child would wash away the brown part of him. I am sure that there are plenty of people of various backgrounds that would be happy to be with me - but I am not sure how long to wait around feeling inadequate. There are a lot of things that I can change in behaviors etc, but to be told im the wrong color for a long term committiment feels pretty cruel and like its an easy out for his insecurity...and its not like he hesitated to sleep with me or move in with me!! Im pissed..looking for perspective from poc or white folks in similar situations...is it really the race issue or is this just normal cold feet? So may questions...thoughts?
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