I am so so sad. I am crying so intensely my soul is crying too. I have been lying in bed for the past six hours listening to my husband breathe as he deeply sleeps and feeling so alone..Why does this crap happen to all of us? I feel very frustrated and angry and depressed! Insomnia is ruining my life, and I don't even know why it had to begin in the first place..I am angry at God, if there is one..what am I being punished for, what did I do to deserve this torture of sleep deprivation? I am angry at myself at getting to the point that I have insomnia, then wondering if it is really my fault for being who I am or is it to do with an underlying health issue? I feel like a failure, I don't even have a job right now because I have mono on top of feeling this way and am physically exhausted.My body hurts. So why can't my body kick in and shut my mind off too so I can get some damn sleep? I shouldn't feel like this at 25, I feel 95. Not that any insomnia is good, but it would be nice to at least have the option of falling asleep at all, even if I ended up waking up, at least I would have slept some. I feel like I will never manage sleep without taking something to calm my body. I have been doing meditation, and have gone 6 months without consistently taking meds and that isn't working either. I am at the point where the only thing that can get me a few hours is muscle relaxants or pain relievers, which leads me to believe either I have inherited my mother's fibromaylgia or I am addicted to the concept of needing a pill..which makes me even more irritated at myself. I am however always tense unless I take a bath, sit in the sun or take a muscle relaxer or something relaxing.. anyway, if anyone reads this perhaps you can give me a reply so i don't feel completely bonkers. -jen
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