tonight i sit here and know my ex boyfriend is in the bed with his new girlfriend. our relationship was horrible anyway so why do i feel so rejected? why is it always them that does this to me? i want to be the one to inflict a little pain and suffering. how bad that sounds as i read it back to myself. i wanted him to be loving and sexual and kind to me all those years. instead he rejected me sexually after the initial falling in love period. finally he went so far as to tell me he was impotent. what kind of man would want to admit to this even if it were true? so i accepted him as i thought he was. then 3 years ago he cheated and i made him move out of my house. he still came over to see the 3 dogs we had adopted and fed them in the evenings while i was at work. he was still in my life at least as a crutch.. then he met this other woman and even ditched the dogs that he claimed to love as much as children.... why did i allow this to happen to me again? i am so co dependent... i know i am... i feel so abandoned and alone and scared tonight as i write this... will i ever be able to trust anyone again..?????
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