Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after the transgression.

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Will he cheat again?

Hi, first of all Im sorry all of you are here because that means you are in the same situation as me and you must be hurting. I found out 3 weeks ago that h had a one night thing with an ex girlfriend after talking to her and being sexual with her online. He says and really seems like he learned his lesson...she also got pregnant from that one time :0...
It seems like everyones husbands that want to keep their marriage act and say the same things to their spouses....how they have changed, they will never do it again, it was the worse mistake of their lives. Im just wondering if you think that person will really change. I know we all hope so but what is the percentage of people that really learn and keep their word for life after something like this?? The thing is...it was nothing in our marriage. He says it was him being a jerk and choosing to be selfish and not that he wasnt happy with his marriage or anything. Im just really wondering if this will happen again.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Well, statistics say ( blah blah blah) that only 15-20 percent will cheat again.

I didn't want to be a statistic, so I left.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sorry but chances are he will cheat again. Once they know they can get away with it the tempation is all the greater!! take a look around here at how many people have given thir significant others chance after chance after chance. It's very sad : (
deleted_user
deleted_user

It has been almost 2 years since I found out about my h afair and I am not God to say he wont do it again but I did take my DD and a left and I think it was harder for him to realize that we where gone because of something stupid that he did I know it hurt him so bad all he did was cry and he saw how much he hurt me so I went back to try and make it work because I believe you fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me I believe people can change if they really want to. Since I went back we have been stronger then ever he comes start home from work and when he needs to go somewhere we all go and we had another baby but it does NOT garentee that things will be this way 10 years or a year from now but I felt like I had to give him the benefit of the doubt that he would change for his family and thus far he has.
deleted_user
deleted_user

There is really no way of knowing if it will happen again. It certainly could. I think if real change occurs chances are better that it won't happen again. The thing to NOT let happen is sweeping it under the rug.
deleted_user
deleted_user

If there is one thing I have learned in this, it is that no one is immune to an affair. It can happen to anyone, for any reason. Good people have affairs and bad people have affairs. Of course, if someone has done it in the past, it makes you KNOW they are capable of it. If you begin a new relationship, there is a chance it could happen, the same as if you try again with your H. He is being honest and forthright (confessing that he was being a jerk and chosing to be selfish, he is being accountable). You are taking a risk either way but you are REALLY taking a risk if the person who cheated on you will not take responsiblity for his/her actions. Your H cares and wants to work this through. You know him better than anyone else does.
dody
dody

Only you and your spouse can truly answer that. But, then again, it's very hard to believe someone who has cheated and lied to you. I think that's where faith comes in. You have to have faith that when they tell you it will never happen again they mean it. Time will tell. Trust your instinks. Bell's and whistles will be going off.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Yes darling it will...what consequences did he suffer in order to learn from his mistake? If the answer is you got mad for a minute, you bitched for a few weeks, held off on the sex...and then all of a sudden things were back to normal....then yep...you may as well keep your eyes open......
deleted_user
deleted_user

this comment is for Savannah....I am glad things are better for you and I hope and pray your man stays on the straight and narrow....But I also must say...who wants to live like that..you know him having to come STRAIGHT home as if he can't be trusted to be off on his own or the whole family having to tag along to keep a watchful eye...uuuuuh uuuhhhhhhh that's just another problem in my opinion...it's more like If I am up under him every second he CAN"T do anything...not the same as him knowing what he did was absolutely UNACCEPTABLE and he is remorseful and just won't do it again...you understand?
deleted_user
deleted_user

My H has made real tangible changes and so have I. We both learned some very serious lessons and we will never be that vulnerable again. I don't believe he will do it again. He knows that if he does there won't be any second chances.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My experience has been yes yes yes yes........ I don't even wonder has been confirmed to many times.
Fuzzybunny
Fuzzybunny

Actually I heard and confirmed with the therapist I went to early on that 80% will cheat again, 10% won't and 10% might.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow, those statistics suck!
deleted_user
deleted_user

not only will he likely cheat again.... but you will have to deal with the OW for your entire relationship because now there is a child involved.

cheaters don't generally change because there is something inherently flawed in them and they need intense therapy.

I'll also say that many cheaters/abusers confess their selfishness and wrong doing in the beginning... and later you're not allowed to talk about it, not allowed to be angry or hurt, etc.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I believe anyone that cheats will cheat again. It says something about their character and consitution. If they cheat it is not a accident, it is that they are unfaithful liars and untrustworthy people. I believe the best bet when you find someone cheating is too give them the pink slip. I know that children complicate the situation, but a child can have a relationship with the departed parent! >>>Jimmy
Kerri75
Kerri75

Fuzzy are you sure about those statistics??? I've read 8 books since this happened 7 weeks ago and NONE had stats that bad.