Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Its been 4 months since i learnt of my H's affair and attemped 2 affair.
My life has been thrown into a complete emotional rollercoaster, but what im finding now is that when im hurting or mad and want to talk about it does a complete 360!
Hes the one that shuts down or starts crying and gets all emotional. Im glad that he feels remorse and i can clearly see that hes sorry BUT its like im trying to make him feel better.
I feel like my feelings a put on the back burner, ive told him how i feel and what hes doing but it still seems to go the same way everytime.
He tells me hes terrified im going to leave him and feels like such a pr#ck for what hes done, he says he doesnt deserve me (all true)so how am im supposed to heal or move on when im babysitting his emotional hangups???
Has anyone else had this problem?? I would love some advice
My life has been thrown into a complete emotional rollercoaster, but what im finding now is that when im hurting or mad and want to talk about it does a complete 360!
Hes the one that shuts down or starts crying and gets all emotional. Im glad that he feels remorse and i can clearly see that hes sorry BUT its like im trying to make him feel better.
I feel like my feelings a put on the back burner, ive told him how i feel and what hes doing but it still seems to go the same way everytime.
He tells me hes terrified im going to leave him and feels like such a pr#ck for what hes done, he says he doesnt deserve me (all true)so how am im supposed to heal or move on when im babysitting his emotional hangups???
Has anyone else had this problem?? I would love some advice
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
in a way, he's still being selfish and self-centered.
now, instead of having an affair without concern for your feelings, he's doing mea culpa without concern for your feelings.
he isn't changing.
he's being selfish in a different way.
he won't change until you give him a reason to change.
all his behavior is subject to review and modification - remind him of that.
and remind him if he really wants to move forward he needs to prove he understands - that he has put aside his feelings and is focusing on YOU.
I think everyone knows where I stand on this.
Regarding the whining and weeping
Occasionally, I believe my H was crying out of remorse..but mostly he was crying because HE FELT ABUSED! He actually said THAT! He is not the only one either. Next time he starts to cry, ask him what is wrong. He will probably say, "wont this ever end? I feel like i am being punished etc."
That is not remores it is self-pity. Hard to believe but selfish-narcissistic men tend to see themselves as the victim.
Point being, take care of him if you want.
I just say, "sorry, you had your time to be selfish and unconcerned about me. It is time to suck it up and STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF! I AM HURTING BECAUSE YOU THREW MY LIFE INTO CHAOS! You either help me heal by answering my questions ..or..you leave and I will find somoone else to comfort me!
I know that is harsh. if you want to stay for the kids sake or financial or another reason, you cannot do what I am suggesting.
NEVER THREATEN SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT CERTAIN YOU WANT TO DO. If you are not willing or READY yet to give an ultimatum, then you must find others to listen.
We are here.
Good Luck.
Try changing how you react to him.
I think sometimes he does it to take the attention off what he has done. I tend to walk away and let him know that when he is ready to focus on us and not himself, we can talk again. Usually he comes around quickly, sometimes overnight.
It is hard to deal with, I want him to feel bad, but I don't want to comfort him, he needs to comfort me. He needs to learn some self control and self comforting tools, maybe we would be in a different place if he didn't need so much attention.