we love them because that is where our hearts lye like you said you have been with the man for twelve years, for me I am a couple of days shy of thirteen years I know no other man but him he knows all my secrets he knows everything about me and I love him for that, people screw up some more than others, me and my husband had a really nice chat last night and when I look in his eyes and I see the pain in them and the feelings of disgust he has for himself right now that makes me love him even more. I know my man regrets what happened he promises it will never ever happen again and I so badly want to believe him, why because I love him you don't spend that many years with one person and not love them. Sounds to me like you two really need to have a heart to heart tell him how you feel ask him how he feels. I got to tell you our heart to heart we had was amazing he answered all the questions that were haunting me for weeks he also said some things to me about his past that I was shocked about, but for him to tell me this I know he trusts me, he did not love the ow it was some thing that happened that he wished now never did. But he's only human and he is trying like hell to repent for the sins he has done. Hope this helps.

I know what you mean, but i guess we love them because we always have. we pour our heart and soul into them, no matter how bad things get, but at the first site of trouble they hop into the bed of another. sometimes i wish i could hate my husband and maybe this journey would be a little easier.

Nooreen,
If you look at the differences in our character, our husbands and ours, it will become exceedingly clear.

I married my husband 13 years ago, on Nov 25th, 1994 and we have been involved a year longer than that.

I committed to him for life. I knew I would always love him, so I did not hold back that love. When he told me he had met another woman, those strands of thread began to unravel, very slowly. How can I withdraw, years of love and loyalty and investment in a few months, just because he did?

His investment was obviously far less than mine. His unraveled conveniently upon sight of a woman he found to be irresistable.

Mine, it will take years of soul searching, therapy and committment to ..that task...to unraveling...to stop loving.

Why we love is a personal choice .. why we make huge mistakes is also a personal choice ..

I made the wrong choices .. but .. she still loves me .. she sees me as someone who has all the good .. and the bad inside of me .. and .. it's all about my choices ..

Do we deserve another chance? NO .. we don't ..

But .. there are some who love us .. in spite of our bad choices ..

For me .. once I got in touch with how I hurt her .. I could never go there again ..

In the end .. once this is over .. we will have .. I believe .. an affair proof relationship ..

I so hear your anger, your frustration and you have every right to those feelings ..

Please remember .. the ones who cheated .. are human too .. no .. we did not have to make such bad choices ..

But .. we did ..

Once we own up to them .. and take the "bull by the horns" .. so to speak .. in that we are going to do whatever it takes to make it right .. we will be so much stronger ..

I also send huge huggzz of gentle support .. to you .. at this time ..

I met my H when I was 11 years old.. I had never seen someone like him he was all that and more....we were friends even though he was older then me( my brothers b/f actually)..anyway didnt see him for a few months and when I was 16 ran into him again and this time he must have thought I was more then a cute kid...now flash forward 16 years and here we are...next month will be 13 years of marriage... his family told him he couldnt marry me and he moved out of his house and in with me and we got married...he literally gave up everything to be with me...his family now loves me also and have for the past 11 years .... even though I can never forgive him I will always love him... we can and probably will move past this(just starting to come to this conclusion) even if we split I will always love him as he has given me sooo much in my life... he has shown me what it is like to be loved unconditionally and therefore that is the standard I hold him too... as to the why I love him I dont know I just know that I do and no matter where it goes I always will....

Honestl I ask myself that same question. I ask myself why do I still love the man that lied to me for five years and hurt me and my family. If you should ever find that answer let me know. Because I wish I can hate him instead.

I love him because he's my husband whom I married and slept with for so many years, whom I trusted with my most intimate, personal, private, and secret issues. I love him because of our babies and all that we endured and despite the evil he has launched on me we did smile, laugh, cry and love TOGETHER despite his lies and his evilness...his choice was to leave, not mine, his choice to cheat, not mine...people make comments about how I deserve this for being so arrogant, so called smart and successful. I don't agree.. I love him and hate him. The fact that it is both and he refuses to speak to me is what makes me feel like crap...he continues to punish me despite his choices. He is self destructive and I guess in a way I am too..

.....because we always have. i guess it is good for their sake that "our " love can not be turned off and on like a light switch.

I ask myself this question to, in fact, I have posted this vety same question before.

I wonder, if after all these years, do I love him... or need him?

I don't think that I could stop loving my wife. I wouldn't want to. she lives inside me. she's an incredible person. still, I don't know how to forgive. It's too much pain. I cannot understand why she betrayed me.

I think I still love my husband because despite his despicable behavior, I can still see some good in him. His efforts to regain what we had before the affair speak volumes about his remorse. He's not a bad guy, just someone who made some really stupid decisions.

I wish I had the answer. I still love my husband but he's really not there for me still! It's been 2 yrs since he abandoned me for his ex-w. If I was 100% honest I'd say that I should move on and not be w/him, but I will always love him. No matter what .........I don't understand it at all. Best wishes to ya.

Because we're good decent people that have strong morals & values. When we said "I DO" for better or worse we made a contact so to say and are sticking by our promises we made. Good Luck---ps. I still Love my husband and I'm still with him even after he forgot about me too :-(

Somtimes I ask myself that same question...he is the only man I have love and known for the past 20 years of my life. We have 3 beautiful kids and I can feel our connection is still there. Yes, he made stupid choices and has hurt me and the family like hell. But here I am still loving him, and I can't see any other man like I see him.