
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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My boyfriend, fiancee, husband - whoever you want to call him, doesn't want to have sex with me but only once or twice a week. I don't understand how my need for sex could mean that little to him. Why must I beg for sex? He says he is always too tired and too stressed...that he only wants to be held. Thats nice and all but sometimes I need to get laid! I would never cheat on him but at the end of the day, when I'm lying in bed, frustrated, its hard not to think about having an affair. So I wanted to ask this of both men and women who have lower sex drives: When you stood at the alter and listened to us promise to forsake all others, did it not dawn on you that since you were to become our ONLY source for sex..that you better make damn sure you stop with your selfish reasons and put out? I don't have morals of steel. They are needs for a reason...I NEED it. Do you not realise that you leave us vulnerable for an affair if you are "too tired" all the time?
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My husband has always had a higher sex drive than me, but that does not mean that he has the right to an "affair" just because I don't want sex as much as he does. Sometimes you do just need to be held and cuddled. My H never does that unless its a precursor to sex. That makes me feel like the only reason he wants to touch me is because he wants sex.
Once or twice a week is fine especially if you have kids. Sometimes finding the time to be intimate is a challenge. Who can be "in the mood" with the phone ringing or kids knocking on the door.
Sometimes after working all day, I just need to unwind without anything physical. It makes me aggravated when all I want is a hug and all he wants is sex. Then this makes me want to hold out even longer.
A hug or kiss without expectation would go along way towards making me feel better. Then it wouldn't be so hard to have the intimacy without feeling pressured.
As I said we are in our 50's and I'm not far from the 60 mark (I'm a couple of years older then him) and I still have urges and want it. I have read where women postmenopausal loose their desire and interest in sex-I'm not one of them and find my interest has increased. I have no interest or thoughts of another man-I just wished my man could desire me more. Is there any other "older-maturer" women feel as I do? Just an interesting question.
Real life kicking in has NOTHING to do with you (as our spouse) ignoring our needs. Quite frankly, the "I have a headache" card can only be played so many times before it becomes in insult to us.
And sorry, I don't have any kids, but everyone here works. Whethers its at a paid job or taking care of kids, we ALL work. Funny how a lot of lower sex drive people are never to tired for the things that THEY want to do.
I'm not using it as an excuse to have an affair. I won't and haven't ever cheated. I've been cheated on though so I know the pain in can cause. The reason for my post is because I can't figure out what goes on in the minds of lower sex drive people who say to their S.O, "its okay that we used to have sex a lot, but now other things are more important than you." Its called a biat and switch and it sucks.
And yes, thats all I ever talk about because thats the only problem I am having. Correct me if I'm wrong, Cathy513, but isn't this site for people who want to talk about/fix/understand their problems?
I dont' pressure him. I don't snuggle as a precursor to sex. I hug, touch, caress him in non-sexual ways 50 times a day. Affection is also a need of mine. But sex is too. I find it extremely selfish of my boyfriend to basically tell me that my needs Don't matter.
I don't say its an excuse to cheat. I'm NOT saying that. What I'm saying is that the REALITY of the situation is that they are needs for a reason...WE NEED THEM! And unless your mate has morals of steel, he/she is going to become vulnerable to an affair (I'm not saying that they will have one, but they WILL be vulnerable to it) Anyone who tells you different is selling you something.
I'm so angry at his lack of sexual attention I could hit something.
I am asking for help. how can I tell my boyfriend that if he doesn't start considering my needs important and stop being selfish - that there are PLENTY of men who would be more than happy being with me. I cook, clean, want children, take care of my body, am well read, can carry a conversation, love dogs, the outdoors, am not materialistic, don't play head games, rarely get jealous and I am a sane and normal person. not to mention I've been told by more than one person that I'm easy on the eyes.
I read what you have said, and I can tell you that I am at the same point you are now. I think you are lucky to get it once or twice a week. Hell I am honored if I can get it once a month. Or at least every three months. I have tried to explain this to my spouse, and what I get back is basically that it is not what she wants or needs. Yet I too have wants and needs. After that discussion, every time I try to bring it up the conversation is ended abruptly. The thought of a affair crosses my mind all the time. But it is not like I am going to follow through. But I am afraid that if the opportunity were to present itself, I may make the wrong decision based on what I need.
So I do understand where you are coming from, and I understand what you are going through. An affair to me would be the wrong thing, but like I said. Should the oportunity present itself, I may not chose the right path.
As for the being a sex addict... no, you just have a high drive. Allot of people do. It just really sucks that your partner does not, nor does he understand.
I wish I had some all knowing advice. But I do not.
Good luck.
What happens? Nothing. In fact, I hate to admit it, but I become self defeating. I get irriated that he doesn't want me. I start to feel unwanted, and taken for granted ( I do all the cooking and cleaning - the least I expect is a little huminah-huminah at night) Then i start to get resentful. I'm not good at playing games..I don't just hide my feeling and just pretend nothing is wrong. When someone asks me whats wrong, I'll tell them. I am not a "I'm fine" but really not kind of woman. I don't play head games. So I'm sure he picks up on a little hostility. I'm sure I'm not exactly making myself pleasurable to be around (or inside of)
So I become a caged tiger that hasn't been fed. I pace and pace and pace the cage waiting to be fed, and when I am thrown a piece of meat - I'll rip it apart.
How can I explain to my spouse that the reason I get cranky is because I'm not getting any. If he would put out, I would be much happier and more pleasant to be around. I'm not blaming him but hes not exactly helping the situation either.
I looked back at a lot of your previous posts and I saw something about looking for threesomes in the past. Did you go through with something like that? If you did, are you all that sure that he was really into it? If he did that to satisfy your need for a threesome, then maybe he can't get past that. I don't know, just throwing some things out there. Also, did you say he cheated on you? Then, maybe he can't get that out of his head.
I'm not saying that he's right and you're wrong. I agree that he needs to try to meet your needs. But, if your needs are too great for him to meet, then there is still a problem.
I think I also saw that you were seeing a sex therapist. I know a high sex drive is not unusual. But, putting so much pressure on a man when he's obviously dealing with some other issues is not a great situation for either of you. You're going to have to be able to talk about what is really going on. Is sex the only thing to make you feel loved or attractive or wanted? Do you know why he's so stressed? There are more to needs than just what is on the surface.
Sex therapist is not going well. I gotta find the right one. He just kinda echos everything I say which is not what I want to pay him for.
I know it will be a problem, thats why i'm trying to understand it coming from a lower sex drived person. Its infuriating to me. I try to be patient but its wearing dangerously thin.
What if you have tried "Spicing things up"? Single rose, and a hand writeen card, bublebath with candles, and wine, nice evening out, poetry, etc...
and all I get back is "I would like to but , maybe tomorrow. Mind you I have done these things in an attempt to show her that I care, and that I want our relationship to be closer. Every time I have done these things, I have not approached her for sex, nor was I expecting anything in return. She usually tells me this before the end of the evening or after the event.