
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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I put this in my journal and after reading it through, I thought; maybe I need some advice; so, here goes....
OK.. it's like this... wasn't able to make that appointment with a counsler. My fear- they will convience me that I'm an idiot; that I'm blind to the obvious... that they ARE still in contact, it was more than an "banter" (as HE puts it), that I'm blind to it because, I don't want to believe. I'm having such a bad day today. He (husband) actually said that he would change shifts (he now-works midnights w/ the OW); but, I'M to face the consequences (it is easier with the kids w/ him on midnights)- almost like a PUNISHMENT for ASKING SUCH A THING. I think he's actually gonna try to make life unbearable for me for asking him to do this. Don't I have the right? Hell, for all I know, she'll change shifts with him. That be the case... I'm GONE! I am so PISSED off, right now, I don't care. Why the F*** did it come to this????? I wish I didn't care.. it would be so much easier. He's taken my pride, what gives him the right? My kids see this, I'm showing them that it's OK to treat people this way; why am I so weak?
OK.. it's like this... wasn't able to make that appointment with a counsler. My fear- they will convience me that I'm an idiot; that I'm blind to the obvious... that they ARE still in contact, it was more than an "banter" (as HE puts it), that I'm blind to it because, I don't want to believe. I'm having such a bad day today. He (husband) actually said that he would change shifts (he now-works midnights w/ the OW); but, I'M to face the consequences (it is easier with the kids w/ him on midnights)- almost like a PUNISHMENT for ASKING SUCH A THING. I think he's actually gonna try to make life unbearable for me for asking him to do this. Don't I have the right? Hell, for all I know, she'll change shifts with him. That be the case... I'm GONE! I am so PISSED off, right now, I don't care. Why the F*** did it come to this????? I wish I didn't care.. it would be so much easier. He's taken my pride, what gives him the right? My kids see this, I'm showing them that it's OK to treat people this way; why am I so weak?
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Sure, your kids may see you hurting and vulnerable, but I honestly think this is ok - it helps them to realize that you are not perfect and have deep feelings also.
I'm not saying you should let your H walk all over you, or let him treat you badly in front of your kids, but don't be afraid to let them see you feeling a little down and emotional at times.
I understand you feel "weak" but that isnt really the correct word
You "love" your husband and you "love" your family. Loving DOES make one more vulnerable, imagine if YOU could risk harming your husband and kids, for an ego stroke? No problem!
Kat, thank him for his decisionb to change shifts but tell him that you see it as a temporary measure, that changing jobs, is your expectation. He must continue to look for another job, enthusiatically, if he wishes to show you that he wants to stay married after this betrayal. My husband and I lost some big accounts because he left the job where "she" lives. My husband must now work 2 jobs to catch us up. Tell him, if he resents this decision and does not continue to be generous in his attempts to pull his weight at home, then that will also be taken to mean he is less than 100% committed to this marriage.
The reason that you get so disoriented is that each time he does something that has the "appearance" that he does not want to give his all to this, you need to start from the beginning and wonder if he is sincere.
If you sense he is not sincere and it upsets you, trust that, remind yourself that you are requiring certain "amend" behavior and without it, you had already decided, you cannot go on. Amends, is more than "i am sorry" it can be action taken to repair the damage done. Sacrifices made to show you are sincere.
Each time he tries to confuse, fall just a little short of what you asked or "punish" you for requiring it, he is struggling against the limits set. This IS normal, but he will see that it is not acceptable, if you stay clear about what you need to be happy. If it requires leaving, even that does not mean you may not reconcile. It may wake him up. If not, can you really live with his behavior? Can you trust they arent finding a way to talk?
Finally, if you can live within his limits and expect less, go ahead. No condemnation here or from God, I think. Just stay clear, don't STAY confused for long, be direct and calm with him and accept the compromises you accept are the right thing for you NOW.
Good Luck
you and your actions are not the problem here. Let's keep our eye on the ball. He created the problem, and you are trying to keep your family together by coming up with a solution, and he is sabotaging you and trying to punish you for asking him to make a sincere effort along with you, to keep the family together.
You may take some time to really get it deep down that he is not going to change. You are giving him every chance. Your children will see that you really tried to make it happen, that you did not break up your family lightly, that you withstood a lot before you finally said, enough.
Letting go does not happen instantaneously. It is a big decision. You will be ready in good time. In the meanwhile, be kind to yourself.
And Nave's advice is great-tell him that after he changes shifts he has to actively start a job search-spend time on it every day! He can and will find something if he puts his mind to it!
Is she married? I forgot. Does her husband know? If not,why not?
About counselors-it is not professional for them to tell you what to do-their job is to listen and help you understand yourself better....So-go...it'll be fine. And in your first session you can interview the counselor to find out his or her attitudes towards infidelity,divorce, marriage...does she believe in marriage, does she think marriages can work after affairs...etc.then you might feel more comfortable continuing with that person. Good luck! Stay strong. You deserve only the best!