Id suggeest that you give her the time and space to be pissed at you. If she yells at you, flips out, curses you a blue streak don't get into a fight. Take it and let her vent. She has to get the anger out before the discussion can begin.

my God. My man just told me the same. you have NO idea the devastation you have caused. I can't help you

Be nothing but honest,its a starting point.

Your honesty in coming to tell your wife is admirable. I have just found out that my husband had done the same, but it has taken me a lot of anguish and hurt to eventually get to anything remotely resembling the truth.

I urge you to continue being truthful. Tell her the truth to every question she will ask, even if the answer will hurt her. She deserves to know the facts and you owe it to her to share the facts with you. Do not forget that you have the full picture here, she has just had the carpet pulled from under her life and she has no idea why or how. Good luck - it is a very difficult path you have ahead of you - one which will require all your patience and love. This happened to me two months ago, and it isn't getting any easier yet.

You can start by being totally honest with her... You should answer all her questions as to why this happened... But please don't try to put any fault or blame on her....
It was always your choice to break your wedding vows that you made before God and man... No one pushed you into it, but you chose it yourself....
She is really hurting right now and doesn't need any added burdens...
Best of luck and as Waverley said TAKE IT AND LET HER VENT!!

I too say be totally honest. You had the power to communicate with her before the affair if you were unhappy so the problem lies with you to be patient honest and transparent in your actions to help her feel secure again

Do you know why you did it? Do you still contact the other woman? Why do you NOW realize that she is what you want and need in life? I ask you this because my man says the same exact thing. He never realized how much he totally loved me until now that he is about to lose me. I am happy you will start therapy, but i'm telling you that the images of you in bed with that woman will haunt your wife for a LONG time. Its unfortunate that you didn't come to your senses before you betrayed her.

Read my post "Discussing The Affair". It explains that there should be no secrets between you, if you expect to start over with a clean slate.

Of course, if she does not ask, you do not tell! She may not want details and that is HER CHOICE.
If she does, then give them to her, always preface a bad story with, "I dont know how I couls have felt/thought this way but....
Good luck

Try and be up front and honest. I'm sure your honesty will look like a lie at first. I know I have problems sometimes with what my husband says. But he hangs in there and tries real hard. I do believe he is remorseful for his cheating. He'll come up and hug me and tell me he is sorry. I found if he mentions it,he's thinking of the damage & hurt he has caused. If I mention it---I feel he doesn't care. Let her know how sorry you really are. GOOD LUCK !!

I wrote this somewhere else but I will repeat it here. This goes along with what others have told you about being honest and answering all of her questions.

Be gentle with your wife. Treat her with kindness and respect even when she is being emotional and irrational. She has every right to be emotional and irrational right now. Tell her how beautiful she is on the inside and the outside. Tell her all the things you love about her down to the smallest thing like the way she laughs or twirls her hair. Tell her how much you love her, need and want her and are sorry you did this to her. Trust me - you can't say it enough.

Accept 100% responsibility for your behavior and your choices. Don't suggest it might have been partly her fault or that you had reasons for doing what you did. At this point it will only infuriate her, push her away and further undermine her self-confidence (which is probably already at an all time low). If you need to you can address that later in counseling.
Tell her you will tell her everything she wants to know, but if you know an answer is going to be particularly painful, warn her of this and then ask her if she really wants to know. Do not minimize the situation in any way. When she gets angry let her vent her frustration and anger and when she does be remorseful, loving and tender rather than defensive. Tell her you cherish her and appreciate her willingness to work on things rather than ending them, and let her know you will do what you can to make things up to her. Tell her you will be accountable and when she is suspicious and wants to check on you, let her no matter how smothered and hindered you feel. It will lessen with time and help her get through things easier and faster. Don't EVER compare her to the other woman.

It would probably help if you both got into counseling both individually and together since she now has her own issues to deal with just as you do, and the two of you have issues you need to deal with together as a couple.

You are right - it won't be quick or easy so if you can't do this you should probably throw in the towel because its the price you have to pay for the damage you have done.

One more thing - was this just sex with the other woman of did you have feelings for her? I can tell you from my perspective that I wish my H had just had sex with another woman rather than becoming emotionally involved with her and sharing feelings that should be reserved for me and no one else.

If it was only sex make a point of telling her this - it matters. While both are bad, knowing that your H just lusted for another woman's body rather than knowing he cared about who she was as a person, and was attracted to her emotionally and physically is somehow easier to take.

If it was emotional also make a point of telling your wife how much more you care about her and that your feelings for her never diminished. Its harder to take, but honesty is the best policy.

It was a one time non-relationship with a person that I didn't know. Unpleasant feeling immediately afterwards.