Hello. I'm a 34 year old guy who at the age of about 18 found out that I am bipolar. I've gone through many bouts of mania and depressions that it's had a great impact on my life and the ones I touch. Through the years with extensive therapies, hospitalizations and medicines I'm feeling like I have control in my life. Now you're probably thinking.. "why is he not putting this story in the mental health section?" Well, I'm writing in here because I feel that it played a role with my relationship between my wife and I. I always believed that she was the one Angel who saved me and helped me through the worst of times. We're now married about 5 1/2 years now and this past year a wrench was thrown in the spokes. I had an affair with my ex fiance from years back. She discovered me through the wonderful world of Myspace and we held a relationship for a while. She lives in another state and we met inbetween one time and had a emotional and sexual affair. My wife found out about it because apparently I'm not good at covering my tracks. Long story short she forgave and we worked on the relationship. About a month ago I began another relationship with a woman at work. She too lives in another state. We got deep into the relationship.. passed the "I love you's" back and forth and then again I was caught. This time set off a manic behavior. Even though my wife knew I flew her here in my state and stayed with her in a hotel for a week. My wife tracked me down and my family got involved. At the hotel it was a pretty hectic scene and this was the first day. I ended up staying there and ignoring everyone's phone calls. The woman and I had an intensive time together until she left and was there alone with my wife and my family to deal with. This is the part that I'm having trouble with.. my wife still wants me back. She wants me in her life and she believes that we can actually work at this. Her family hates me and my family is saying that they're supporting me but I know they're anger is there as well -and rightfully so. The guilt that I'm bearing is going to weigh heavy on me for a long long time. But my wife wants me back. Now I'm sitting here in a apartment away from her typing my story to the world and I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I can't stop blaming myself. I can't stop believing that I'll do this again. I'll never know where I went wrong but at the same time I don't want to keep the wrong going. I just don't how. I'm really lost folks and right now I just feel like a penny in a jar of quarters. My life is just not that valuable as everyone else because of my guilt... Please don't take that as a suicide note becuase it's not. Just kind of painting a picture of what's going on inside me. Just need some friends now to guide through this. Thanks for listening.
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