
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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when youre in a relationship, and one of you doesnt want sex and the other one does, (im talking about men or women) when you really dont want sex any more or are hardly nver in the mood?
WHAT do you do?
do you expect your partner to go without too ?
do you expect them to masterbate for the rest of their lives?
should you consider breaking up and finding suitable partners with the same sex drive ?
should you have sex with them just to please them?
what should you do ?
WHAT do you do?
do you expect your partner to go without too ?
do you expect them to masterbate for the rest of their lives?
should you consider breaking up and finding suitable partners with the same sex drive ?
should you have sex with them just to please them?
what should you do ?
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There are a lot of factors that can come into play when someone loses their sex drive. It can be medical, emotional, mental. If you truly love the other person, or are committed to the other person, I would suggest finding the reason before doing anything else.
Not wanting sex is a symptom of something else.
Communication.
Open and effective.
If you were to chose any of those other options, you shouldnt be in a relationship. You are just lying to yourself.
Me? I have some major obstacles in the way. (1) the meds I take really diminish my sex drive, and the ability to really enjoy it (inorgasmia). (2) I've come out of THREE relationships where there were sexual issues. The first was a transvestite sociopath. The second was a paraphile/pedophile. The third had ED and didn't want to do anything about it. Over time, you get used to going without. Go without long enough, and you get to where you hardly ever think of it - especially when you have nothing but bad associations with it. (3) Intimacy issues. Hubby and I were both badly burned by the people we trusted with our whole selves and our lives. I've been sexually abused since I was a toddler, and I find I can't look him in the eye and don't want to kiss during sex. I'm still working on letting him in.
We talk about it when we can - for as long as we can, which isn't long for either of us. I absolutely understand his drive, and more than that, I understand that he wants ME - not an image on the computer screen or some Jergens-induced vision.
As we are working through this, I have no problem giving it up once in a while even if I myself don't want it because - as you said - I love him MORE than I need to protect the parts of me that aren't working right. We've found alternatives that he enjoys almost as much that I can play a part in. (Trying not to be too graphic here.)
Finally, the single most important thing a man needs to know about (most) women that makes them VERY different is that when you lay down next to a woman, she is bringing everything you have done and said (or failed to do or say) ALL DAY to bed with her. Just being aware of that helps most men understand why most women need a slow "warming up" process. The more time he takes with me in foreplay, the better the end result for us both.
Also, it really helps to not have every touch mean, "I need sex". The best thing hubby ever did to improve my trust in him was to give me a long loving massage, then just get up and walk out while I slept. I really GOT IT that every touch did NOT mean, "I'm desperately horny. Fix me." It changed everything.
Don't know if this will help, but man, I sure appreciate you bringing it up, and I am looking forward to gaining some insight on this from others as well. :)
After I cheated on my husband he changed. He made a complete turn around and is a better person today. I regret what I did but at the same time it helped my husband to see that he wasn't the only man in the world I could be with. He knew there was a real possibility that I would leave him for someone else AND he knew deep down in his heart that I didn't just cheat in order to get a penis inside my vagina. I did it for the attention and affection from a man, something he hadn't given me in years because he was too selfish to think about me.
I have tried to encourage him that all intimacy doesn't have to involve intercourse. As in So up So Down's example of a nice massage, we are working on just taking a fun shower together, or just some playful kissing in the movie theater to build closeness.
He refuses any sort of therapy, though. I hope we can resolve this on our own, but it hasn't been easy. I do fall back on masturbation and he knows it. I will be patient as long as he's faithful, but if he cheats again, I won't stand for it.
Wow, that must be hard to deal with a husband that thinks of you like a family member. :-( I have often wondered if my husband got in to that rut of thinking of me as the kids mother and not be attracted to me for that reason but he always told me that wasn't the reason. He just gets tired easily and stressed from work and doesn't want sex. Have you thought about trying to dress sexier for your hubby or even dressing nice when you go out and letting him see other men flirt with you. The flirting is innocent but maybe if he sees other men are attracted to you then he will snap out of it!
Men feel bad for wanting to treat their wives dirty. This can lead to some serious mis-communication issues. That was one of the issues with me and Mr. V.
Once we talked about it, and realized this, oh my *blush*
Communication is the most important aspect to having great sex, good sex, hawt sex, dirty sex, making love, whatever. You communicate by talking all the time, about dishes and work and kids.
How and when do you communicate about sex?
You talk, touch, feel, listen, smell, see. Are those lines of communication open between you and your spouse?
Are you open to telling your partner what you like and dont like?
For me, I wanted to be the dirty little wife, and the wonderful loving sweet innocent wife. I can play both roles.
And I do :)
Im not professing that this is the problem with anyone else here, but it was definatly a factor with us.