I'm in the process of getting a divorce after 17yrs of marriage. My STBX doesn't want to get a lawyer and he actually said we could stay married as long as i liked 1,2,5, or even 30yrs. His paychecks still come to my checking acct so i have to see him EVERY Friday so he could get his money. I pay all the bills then give him what's left. He has it easy because he only pays about 1/3 of the bills, the girls allowance($50)a month, and $200 for child support. Once i file he'll have to pay ALOT more. It is hard seeing him every friday, even if i didn't have to he takes our youngest every Sunday for a couple of hours. Our oldest doesn't want to have a lot to do w/him and he thinks it's my fault. He's an alcholic as well. He knows how to push my buttons and mentions his "friend" that's the word he uses to talk about the OW. It makes me hurt and i end up crying and making a foo of myself. I just want him OUT of my life forever but that isn't possible. Our girls are 11, and 15. We will be connected the rest of our lives. I knkow i have to let go of the anger and forgive him. Not for him but for me and my girls. My anger is carrying over to the rest of my life and i have a hard time with trust. Anybody but especially men. I am such a basket case mentally and emotionally. It's been almost 6 months since i found proof of the OW. I feel like i am losing my mind half the time. How can i move on if i see him all the time? I alternate between wanting to punch him in the face and wanting to hold him so tight and beg him to love me. We can NEVER get back together. I relized when i kicked him out that he is poison for the girls and me. His drinking was ruining all of us. How do i let go, forgive and get over the anger?
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