All the victims on this board feel your pain. I guess it depends on your wife. If she is willing to help you rebuild your life. If she is being honest or not. If you want a life with her?

Sometimes you have to make a choice to let go, It doesn't mean forgive and forget!! I will never forgive or forget what my H of 23 years has done to me and our family or will the HATE I have for the OW ever go away, but... I made a choice about 4 weeks ago (at week 14 after D-Day) to make a conscience effort to move forward for my own sanity. This was affecting my job, friends, kids and family. I could no longer let what they did destroy me or the other people I cared about. I had to decide I was more important then their affair.

Having him call her on speaker phone helped. Hearing him tell her it was over and for her to stop contacting him. I could put closure to their affair. I also went from reading every book I could on affairs and being betrayed, to reading books on how to have a good and healthy marriage. Love Languages is a good book for both H and W to read.

Good luck to you and stay strong. There is a light at the end. It just take each of us our own amount of time to get there.

I wish I knew, I've been dealing with teh same since May, it's KILLING me, I just don't know how to get over it either, and I'm paying GOBS of money to counseling, medications, etc. I am at the point where I just don't think this is going to work. I think it's best to make up your mind (sic me) and get out. Do yourself a favor, stop wasting time on stupid cheating bitches. I'm moving on, I've had it with her and her emotional void, how can she screw another guy, but not feel any attraction to me??? I guess if I am that bad to be around, or deal with, or that un-attractive, it's time for me to move on. I sure hate to do it, I still love her, but I can't be with her, or see her anymore.

You know we r here fro the same. I feel horible pain every day. My husband cheated a 2nd time after i tryed to forgive the 1st. I feel like ending myself too. I have nightmires and day time fears as well. my stomach always hurts and my head is always fucked up. a cheater will do it agian, get out now while u can. You will hate ur self even more if u stay and let it happen agian. I even tryed spiceing up the sex life to keep him home. Not going to work. My head is a mess. dont u wish u could get ur brain erased? sorry we have to feel this way. Stay true to yourself. U r a good person.

I agree with needtotal Get out while you can. From my experence with a cheater--they will cheat again. Its worse the second time around. I struggle every day trying to get over mine, and at 65 its really hard to cope with. my advice is get out now.

I got confirmation of my wife's infidelity less than 4 weeks ago. This is the second time she's had an affar in 5 years. The first time I excused because she had just suffered a brain injury. But this time, I am feeling every range of negative emotions in a virtual hurricane of feelings, and I cant just latch on to one. The hardest parts for me is to know that she really feels no remorse-she's glad she did it beceause it forced things to a crisis. And then there's the mental image of the only women Ive been with for 15 years with another man-that is killing me-And now hte new element of the trifecta is the feelig of wonder if this had happened before that I dont know about. Trust is absolutely gone and I dont know if I can ever reclaim it. Not for her-I'll never trust her again- but for anyone. It kills me to realize that I may never trust another person.

Hi There,
I can feel your pain & I know how hard it is. I've heard it's harder for a man to forgive when his wife cheats. I am a wife who's been cheated on & it's been almost two years since I took him back. 've never cheated on my H but I know if I did he wouldn't take me back although I've done it for him. I got physically & emotionally sick and lost alot of weight & never got more than a few hrs of sleep. I've had mega counseling & therapy and lot's of antidepressant drugs. I can tell you this- I think what helped me the most was I never stopped loving my H no matter how much pain he caused me. The healing process takes as long it takes and still to this day I have bad days remembering it all. Is your W remorseful for what she did & is she trying to rebuild a marriage w/ you? How did you find out?

Are you still together? Is she remorseful? Did she break it off with the OM? Is that the problem? Is she still contacting him?
Have you broken up over this?
The advice depends on where you are in the relationship. Sometimes I think that it is easier in some ways when the spouse has the affair and then leaves....then you go through major pain, grief, hysteria, etc. but then you have closure as well....you have no decision to make. It's over and hopefully, with counseling, meds, prayer and time you can heal.
When the spouse has an affair and then wants to stay married ...that leads to this rollercoaster of emotions.... should I run away from this person that has caused so much pain? or should we try again? Can I ever forget it? can I forgive him or her? etc. Can I ever trust again? All of those painful thoughts continue - every day....
And , no, I don't believe that every cheater will always cheat again.... I think every situation is the same in many ways but different as well.... so, it depends on what happened in your case and where you are now....