Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

WHat to do HELP PLEASE!! tired of being left

deleted_user
deleted_user
As I write this I am sick to my stomach!! I am so tired of being hurt or trusting people or having people who i think i can trust just hurt or leave me. The one friend who has been with me through absolutely everything, my boyfriend cheating on me, he drove down the day after my friend sexually assaulted me to help and be with me and yet now he isn't here with me. I no longer have him as a friend, he was the one who helped me get into counseling and helped me talk to my parent, everything he was the one who actually kept me together, probably honestly was the one who stopped me from killing myself and was the only person who I could talk to me. Then he went and told me that he is in love with me!! I had no clue what to do or say or anything, what am i supposed to do, for him to tell me that he was in love with me when I am obviously not in a good state and still trying to figure out/forgive my boyfriend for what he did to me and he tells me that he is in love with me. Then when I told him that it's not fair to tell me this, he told me that he had to tell me and i had the right to know.Then he aid it's too painful to be around me and can't be friends with me!! He said to see me, talk to me be anywherre near me is too painful!! And all in that one instant i lost my best friend, my biggest support system and someone whom i love dearly!! Someone PLEASE HELP!!! ANY ADVICE??
bigguy3
bigguy3
You are in a bad situation. It hurts so much to lose a boyfriend/spouse to infidelity. I can only imagine how hard it is to lose a friend to. But you freind chose to be honest with you and tell you exactly how he feels.

Look at it from his perspective. He cares for you, he has always been there to support you in difficult situations. He has developed feelings for you. He sees that you are vulnerable. This may well be an opportunity for a slime ball to make a move and take advantage of you. But your FRIEND decides to do the honorable thing and tell you the TRUTH about how he feels. He decided to let you know rather than take advantage of you. If he has had feelings for you for a while, he may feel jealous of the boyfriend and to see you so upset over losing the guy that CHEATED on you was just more than he could handle emotionally.

I, for one, applaud your friend in his choice to tell you how he felt. I know that it has left you feeling abandoned, but I believe it shows a strength of character in your freind.

Good luck as you deal with your situation. I feel for you.
Thriver
Thriver
Try not to be angry. It does not sound like a slimeball move as bigguy pointed out. He knows you at your worst and he stil loves you. He seems to have been very giving, maybe it was just too much for him to continue that way and keep giving and giving, knowing that he wanted more.
But don't get into a relationship when you are in the state you are in. He may not understand what a bad idea it is for you to do this. But you know. He will have understand later.
Guys sometimes feel love for people they have to rescue. That seems to be how they are wired.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't applaud your friend for his honesty. In fact, after reading your story I'm annoyed with him. I mean, you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like he used your boyfriend's infidelity as his chance to get "in" with you. Instead of being supportive during the time you needed him the most, he played a hand that you were not in a position to field in your fragile state. Then when you say you just want to be friends suddenly he can't be freinds any more. My opinion - if was a true friend he would have held that thought until your life was a little bit more stable instead of dropping a bomb like that on you at a time like this. The only advice I can offer for you is to focus on your counseling. If you don't feel like its enough for you find another counselor. I've found that not all counselors are good at everything. Please hang in there.
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