you will in time, you are special- and you will realize this. the thing that makes me feel most special is my close friends, i am lucky to have them. every woman needs a support group, a good group a girlfriends to build them up and show them they are special.. try to make some friends and focus your time on things that make you smile.

YOU ARE SPECIAL!!!!! and I think it comes from your mind set...start believing all the postiives things you can tell yourself and then things will change. You are in control of your mind so use it to your advantage..(not that I can say the same for gettin this A out of my mind) but hopefully when it comes to this you can over power it. Take care of YOU for once.....

It comes from seeing yourself for the strengths that you have within- not being dependent on the reflection of yourself from another person.

I struggle with self-esteem since the discovery of my husband's affair, too. It's hard to avoid. After all, we were rejected.

Still, I know in my heart and head that I am worthy, strong, capable and beautiful, and he can never change that.

Love yourself first as a child of God, as a member of the human race, as a person capable of tremendous love for others.

You are much more than what he had done to you!

The what seems like a bottomless depression will lift. I generally have not had an issue with depression but boy I've felt like a walking poster child for the local suicide helpline. What I've also find is that it's not a life sentence. It's not going to end today. Probably not tomorrow but someday you're actually going to find yourself smiling for no apparent reason. Growing up I was the biggest tom boy. Now i'm indulging myself in girly stuff. Do something you wouldn't normally do. Also when you have a moment of energy maybe pick up a yoga or aerobics class? I find my mind is more clear when I can work out my frusterations. Plus the added endorphins can be a temporary fun. Good luck...

That is an excellent question. Exercising can be a good thing. I think my thoughts have been one thing that have made me feel low about myself - even before the infidelity. What do you say to yourself about yourself? This may sound silly but don't be afraid to tell yourself that you're beautiful, you're smart, you're a great mother, you make a great contribution to others by helping disabled children. I believe you're a very caring, kind woman. You have a beautiful spirit. Don't give up on saying nice things to yourself and doing things for yourself that are fun. Whatever you like: movies, taking walks, baths, etc. Cause, you really are special. The problem is some people really can't see a diamond in the rough. I heard a story the other day where someone almost threw away this huge diamond worth a ton because they didn't recognize it for what it was. That's what your husband did to you. And I totally know the feeling of feeling like garbage and being thrown away. He was lucky to have you, cause you are special and, don't give up, cause you will see it in yourself again in time.

One thing for me that I try to remember when I feel like crap is this verse in the bible that talks about us being fearfully and wonderfully made.:

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

Hi sudzy...Oh my gosh !! me too..I changed my hair OW#2 had the same haircut How gross is that, and I have never seen her, but she seen me. I tell my husband I'm going to go meet other men, do what he did so I can fully understand how he feels. I've never been a cheater so I'm having a hard time relating to that one. Honestly makes me sick to think about sleeping with someone just for a one night stand. Then I get a grip and look in the mirror and ask myself why am I willing to change so fast? To make my husband happy? Did he change to make me happy? No, I am so much better then him and his 3 OW. I don't have to belittle myself to knownly sleep with a married man, I don't have to hold on to a man that cleary has told me he's never leaving his wife. These are things the OW have said he told them. Makes them look more like whores when they tell you they knew their place. I can look in the mirror and know I'm a good person with values and morals. the OW can't, my husband can't...WHY would I want to change that? and I refuse to change anything about me for my husband. Yes we are working on things but he will never be the one I think of first again, it will be me!! Good Luck

I think that before you can even begin to feel better about yourself you have to know exactly where you stand and what you are working on....sounds to me from your post and your journal entries that you are not even sure if your husband wants to stay married to you, leave, or leave for the other woman...and you're not even certain that he has stopped seeing the other woman.
How can you make any decisions until all of those questions are cleared up!
You have to find out for certain whether or not he is still seeing the other woman. Could you afford to hire a private investigator? could you or a friend drive by her house or where ever they used to meet in the past? You said that he may be lying about going to the gym in the AM-could you quietly set up someone to watch the kids so you could check up on where he goes in the morning?How about a tracking sysytem on his car? and a keylogger on the computer as well as access to his cell phone bill. You can't decide whether or not you want to rebuild the marriage until you know for sure that he is not seeing her anymore! No wonder you don't feel good about yourself!
If you find out that he is still seeing her then you have to confront him with it (but you have to have a plan for consequences and to stick to them).Dr. Dobson in his book, Love Must Be Tough gives you a sample letter and a strategy for how to deal with a spouse that can't let go of the OW/OM. That is step one...
After that, you decide if you can forgive him and stay and work on the marriage or if you forgive him but you have to leave the marriage for your own sanity.When you get to that decisison then you may begin to slowly work on healing , and making yourself feel better regardless of what you decide to do. But,from what I'm understanding now...you're still not even sure if he wants to stay or leave and if he's still seeing her...No wonder yo can't feel good about yourself... Even when the wayward spouse is completely remorseful, begging to come back it takes a very long time to feel better....is he saying that to you? do you believe him? your journal doesn't sound like that is the case. I'm so sorry for your pain... you have to find out the answers to those questions...

P.S. Don't tell him too much. Don't start asking him or threatenning that you will follow him to the gym etc. you will only give him time to hide his tracks even better..enlist some friends or relatives to help you get to the bottom of where you stand today...

Inner healing is what you need. Yes a great hair do helps and you tend to feel better when you are dressed nice, but it's nothing like feeling pretty on the inside. I do understand what you're going through I have to remind myself daily that I am fearly and wonderfully made. It works sometimes, but your self esteem didn't get that way over night and it's gonna take time to get it back or better than where is was to start with. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this pain, but this too shall pass and you'll be able to reach back and lift another. Stay around positive people and become your own best friend. because when it all comes down to it, when everybody leaves you'll always have you. Try talking to a professional it helped me a lot to at least get the ball rolling in the right direction. (((HUGS))))

I think I'm gonna read some of these replies b/c I feel just like you! "he threw me away" is what I said and felt. I thought .....I must be nothing for him to do this to me! What's so wrong w/me?

I know all this is in my head, but still my self-esteem is awful. I've gained a bunch of weight (depression and anxiety!) and really feel ugly sometimes when I look in the mirror it sucks! b/c i know I am a good worthy person, I just don't know how to feel like I'm anything anymore.