
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I struggle with self-esteem since the discovery of my husband's affair, too. It's hard to avoid. After all, we were rejected.
Still, I know in my heart and head that I am worthy, strong, capable and beautiful, and he can never change that.
Love yourself first as a child of God, as a member of the human race, as a person capable of tremendous love for others.
You are much more than what he had done to you!
One thing for me that I try to remember when I feel like crap is this verse in the bible that talks about us being fearfully and wonderfully made.:
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
How can you make any decisions until all of those questions are cleared up!
You have to find out for certain whether or not he is still seeing the other woman. Could you afford to hire a private investigator? could you or a friend drive by her house or where ever they used to meet in the past? You said that he may be lying about going to the gym in the AM-could you quietly set up someone to watch the kids so you could check up on where he goes in the morning?How about a tracking sysytem on his car? and a keylogger on the computer as well as access to his cell phone bill. You can't decide whether or not you want to rebuild the marriage until you know for sure that he is not seeing her anymore! No wonder you don't feel good about yourself!
If you find out that he is still seeing her then you have to confront him with it (but you have to have a plan for consequences and to stick to them).Dr. Dobson in his book, Love Must Be Tough gives you a sample letter and a strategy for how to deal with a spouse that can't let go of the OW/OM. That is step one...
After that, you decide if you can forgive him and stay and work on the marriage or if you forgive him but you have to leave the marriage for your own sanity.When you get to that decisison then you may begin to slowly work on healing , and making yourself feel better regardless of what you decide to do. But,from what I'm understanding now...you're still not even sure if he wants to stay or leave and if he's still seeing her...No wonder yo can't feel good about yourself... Even when the wayward spouse is completely remorseful, begging to come back it takes a very long time to feel better....is he saying that to you? do you believe him? your journal doesn't sound like that is the case. I'm so sorry for your pain... you have to find out the answers to those questions...
P.S. Don't tell him too much. Don't start asking him or threatenning that you will follow him to the gym etc. you will only give him time to hide his tracks even better..enlist some friends or relatives to help you get to the bottom of where you stand today...
I know all this is in my head, but still my self-esteem is awful. I've gained a bunch of weight (depression and anxiety!) and really feel ugly sometimes when I look in the mirror it sucks! b/c i know I am a good worthy person, I just don't know how to feel like I'm anything anymore.