you are going to get lots of opinions from your family and friends on what you should do.. it will range from staying with him and working it out (if they have dealt with this before and stayed) or to leave(if they have never dealt with it or that is what they did)

ultimately having them their for support is good, but just remember its your choice whether you decide stay and work it our or leave... take care of you

WOW DO I KNOW HOW THAT FEELS!! You're lucky that you've had the time to think about it with their influence. I told my family right away...no good. I guess that the people who truely care for you are going to tell you that they'll support you no matter what. Of course no one wants to see you hurt, that is a given. But they need to listen when you need to vent, and need to give advice ONLY when you ask for it and from as much of an objective point as possible. I know you dont wana hear this; as i've heard it many times....IT IS YOUR CHOICE. IT IS YOUR MARRIAGE, NOT THEIRS, DON'T LET THEM DECIDE YOUR OUTCOME FOR YOU!!! I fully understand that is a LOT easier spoken than done. I am right there with the angry part too. For me its only been two months and i'm still just as pissed off as when i learned about it. Listen to their opinion, but make your own choices. Its not their life, its yours; whatever desicion you make needs to be yours. Just ask for their support and understanding. My hopes are with you.

I know that telling the family can cause a lot of complications. I felt alot of pressure in doing certain things. My mother-in-law kept harping that it was not a good example to set for the children to have a cheating father at home while he is still cheating. I told my husband that I didn't want him to leave but that he had to put us first and make a committment to work on the relationship. He didn't move out right away but got angry one day and then did. During this time he was seeing this woman and taking trips. I still feel like the guilty party but I know I am not. Just make sure to follow your heart when making decisions. make sure it is right for you and no one else.

I agree 100% with lostlonely and cameron.....everyone will have an opinion and often it is colored by their own life experiences.... younger people tend to be more judgemental about it because I guess they are still looking at the world in a more innocent way....
it is ultimately just your decision...no one can understand what you are going through...even on this site we can sympathize with each other and give advice but even here each situation is different in some way....your situation is unique....
I often mourn the fact that my children know about it (even though they are grown) and they shared this with their cousins because they are close.... I worry that they will forever have a different view of their father. He will no longer be that hero to them...
But, you know what? when I asked them if they would have preferred not to know -both of them -even my son who does not like to get into any personal stuff at all-both kids said they were glad that they knew...that it would help them to understand us,the family, etc. better now and in the future... they felt that they could help me more rather than remaining in the dark and misinterpreting what was going on.....as for the other friends and family...it is a mixed bag in terms of their feelings about stuff....and you know what? over the past 10 months they have changed their opinions as well-have gone back and forth with me...
Dr. Harley who wrote His Needs,Her Needs-How to Affair Proof Your Marriage and he wrote After the Affair -he and others do believe that it is helpful when others know about the infidelity....that if someone is repentent and comes back to the spouse keeping the affair a secret lets the wayward spouse off the hook in a sense and allows for the possibility of having another affair in the future... society...knowing...family members knowing... keeps them honest in a way...that you did this, you are sorry, you regret your actions, you want to come back to the spouse and work on a better marriage and you know that if you ever do it again, ever hurt and betray your spouse again...you will also be betraying the trust of your friends and family.... you are in effect making a promise to all of them as well.
In fact, my husband did apologize to my friends and family members for hurting me in this way....

jrsygrl, you are soooo right. My family has said that they will support me in whatever decision so I guess they do know that it is my decision, but you are right about my husband now being really held responsible for what he has done.
He has already made some communications with my family about being sorry for hurting me and my kids. I also am making him come clean with his own parents who I already know love and adore me. They know something is going on, but not all the details. I have asked him to give them the whole story. As Dr Phil has always said, you can't fix something if you don't own it first. I feel by others knowing, it is making him really own it and not just making amends to me.
rita 21, that is so wild to hear that your MIL wanted you to get rid of your husband or at least get him out of the house. I am soooo glad for you that she did not want to take his side as most parents might do.

Thank you all for your words of wisdom

Always keep in mind... this is about you and your husband, no one else. Friends and family will have their thoughts, but at the end of the day, your marriage is what matters.

I'm a similar situation and everyone knows, family, friends, kids.. etc because I was sure I was getting divorced but am now trying to work things out. There is lots of good advice below. I'd like to add some advise I heard... make sure when you are talking to your family and friends that you include some positive things. If you can't manage to say something positive about your H at the time look for something else positive in your life. It seams to help with my attitude if nothing else. Good Luck!