I am a wife that cheated. It was very emotional for me, yes we did have sex, but I was not looking for that. Actually I was not "looking" for anything, I was drawn in by the friendship, care, and concern he showed me. The friendship got out of control (we couldhave/should have controlled it) but it led to a sexual affair. If you are interested, I can maybe answer your questions about that.

Thanks, but what I am looking for here is how does the wife move on. What does she do? How does the husband see her after they reconcile? What can she do to mend the insecuritites left behind? How does she regain the connection without looking like she is needy and pathetic? or begging? or desparate? How? I am not mad, I just need help.

my H had an affair with an old friend from school...he said it started when he ran into her after he and I had a fight.. it then went to a sexual affair...he finally told her about a month or so ago to leave him alone he wanted to be with me...this after I had told him I was done and wanted nothing more to do with him...he has switched medicines to help him deal with his bipolar and stuff and says he finally realizes the mistake he made...we are starting to work on things a bit so if I can help i`ll try to ... Take Care of YOU

i understand what you mean about getting over insecurities etc. i was having trouble with that also, but then i realised that it wasnt my fault he strayed, nothing to do with me. it was his insecurities and self hate that made him do it. but after i decided i wanted to give him another chance, i took a good look at myself and asked myself what'I' didnt like about me. what were the things that i wanted to change about me, to make me a better person. . i thought of all the good things i can offer a relationship, and then the negative things that could lead( and did) to troubles within the relationship. then i focused on fixing these things. my relationship now is stronger than it ever was, my partner recieves councelling and i have learnt to communicate better. and i have also learnt that you have to work at it every day, not take it for granted that things wont go wrong. if you ask any couple that have been happily married for many years, they say the key is to never sleep on an arguement, something we did often. now, i face ths issue headon, and we both can get a decent nights sleep.
i wish you well. take care.

i'll take a shot at answering your questions...

but know that how i see things and how your husband sees things will be two different seeing things.

coo-coo-ka-choo!