forgivnance for them is probably never going to totally happen...what you need to do is to forgive yourself...remember you did nothing that forced her to do this...even if things weren`t great, she had no right to go outside of the marriage. forgive yourself and let go of your anger and then you will be surprised what can happen

You dont have to forgive them. Why should you? Your Wife showed you exactly how much she really cared about you and respected you by doing what she did.

Forgive YOURSELF. You had NO PART in what SHE DID and you are NOT to blame. The rest will follow and the anger will disappear.

When someone you love does THIS to you, you feel that pretty much- whats it matter anymore. It does. Forgive YOU, and you will see how much your life matters. Take the high road.Its difficult and trust me, I have been there so many times.

It doesnt seem like the affair has been addressed either, from the sounds of your posts. Something has not been addressed. Whether or not it be that you have forgiven yourself, I don't know. BUt something has been left out to just dry up emotionally. What is it?

She never wants to talk about it, she says I bring it up everyday. I'm not sure if I should know all the details.

She carpet swept the damn thing and expects you to accept it. You dont have to. Plus, she lied to you for over a year that she still works with him? BUllshit. I'd call her on this one.

She needs to make a commitment to CHANGE, if not to you, or get out. I'd lay down the law and keep it there.

Anger festers when it is swept, and eventually you will look at your wife and ponder if you even love her anymore. If its at the point that you look at her and think those things, thank her when you leave her. Not meaning to sound rude,

but your wife is a real nutjob for letting this fester in you. She cheated, wrong decision number one. She carpet swept it- RECIPE FOR DESTRUCTION.

Frankly? Id leave her, but Im a bitch that way.

Mickey, you wouldn't be human if you didn't want revenge, and it's completely understandable not only to feel that way, but to indulge yourself with all kinds of fantasies of all the ways you could do it. If you take action on those fantasies, however, you will be crossing a line you cannot UNcross. You have been wronged, and you are in terrible pain. That is normal. Now you have the opportunity to cause he who hurt you so to suffer, but as you said yourself, what does that get you?

Right now, you have a clean heart and conscience. Keep it that way. Don't lower yourself to his level for the sake of a revenge that will NEVER be as sweet in reality as it is in your private thoughts. It could, in fact, backfire in ways you can't even imagine.

You have enough to work through just dealing with what has already happened. Don't compound your anguish by keeping tabs on this guy - he is SO NOT WORTH your energy. He doesn't deserve to have that kind of power over you, so don't give it up to him.

I know having the moral high ground in this situation is not much comfort, but it is a far better comfort than having to live with yourself if you stoop to his level and let him own even a fraction of your heart, feelings, self-control and power.

Focus on your marriage, which you DO still have. Don't drive yourself crazy thinking about THEM together - that is a dead end. Put your focus and energy into making THE TWO OF YOU together what you want and need it to be. As long as she is truly there in heart, mind, spirit and body - there is a way to get through all this.

My husband to want to put this behind us and move on and All I think about is that slut of a bitch that did this and he let her. Before the affair I really looked up to my husband and was proud of him for being the man I alwways wanted. We had our troubles but what marrige dosn't but still it was not enough for him to go a do what he did with his friends wife! I am so angry and it was ot the 1st time Sue had done this either. She was a pro and knew exactly what she was doing. She wanted to destroy either me, or my husband or just want power to destroy a family. I can't say at this point that she didn't win because I dont know yet. My husband has so much guilt and shame and is NOW sooooo good to us, and I still can't shake the feeling of him not being the MAN I tought he was. I wish you all the luck and they tell me it is going to take some time. I guess at this point for both you and I is that only time will tell.

i don't see anyone saying your wife should change her job. how hard can it be to stay there with feelings for someone? impossible! the first step any counselor will tell you, after an affair is: break off all relations, communication, everything with the OM. your wife needs a new job. that will show she is serious!

I know your pain all to well!!!
I agree with the others, the forgiveness is for you not for them, You need to let go of the pain to free yourself from it!!
Dont know your situation but you two really need to talk about her getting a new job.
I too wanted to have vengence so bad and focused on it for weeks, But I will tell you it did get better after my wife was no longer working with the OG, And that freed me up to focus on letting go of the anger, I still have thoughts now and then but it's definatly getting better.