
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Had your husband/wife been up front and told you -
Sorry, I don't love you anymore and I've met somone else who he/she admitted having strong feelings for but as yet, out of respect for you, had not allowed him/hersef to become involved
with but made it clear that they wanted out of the marriage to be with that person; body and soul?
Would/could you accept and allow his/her feelings?
if he had been man enough to put your feelings before acting upon his intentions.
Bottom line - Is it the cheating or is it really
the terrifying thought that someone we still love does not have those same feeling back for us anymore and does that still make him wrong?
What would you have him do? Stay out of obligation of a marriage certificate?
Sorry, I don't love you anymore and I've met somone else who he/she admitted having strong feelings for but as yet, out of respect for you, had not allowed him/hersef to become involved
with but made it clear that they wanted out of the marriage to be with that person; body and soul?
Would/could you accept and allow his/her feelings?
if he had been man enough to put your feelings before acting upon his intentions.
Bottom line - Is it the cheating or is it really
the terrifying thought that someone we still love does not have those same feeling back for us anymore and does that still make him wrong?
What would you have him do? Stay out of obligation of a marriage certificate?
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Either way it hurts, but it's more humiliating when someone other than your spouse is involved. I felt my spouse made a fool & humiliated me and he enabled his lover(s?) to do the same and vise versa with her husband.
Cheaters do not feel obligated to stay because of a marriage certificate. They stay for more reason then that.
Convenient how sex with someone else makes you realize you're unhappy all the sudden.
She has since admitted that she really is not that unhappy in the marriage, she's just selfish and a serial cheater.
I don't want someone out of obligation. I want someone to want to be with me. If I can't have that, I am out. He didn't give those options or the truth, for that matter.
Good question...
I still don't know the answer to my situation, but I know that I have been made out to be insane because I question, questionable actions. The escalting arguements and the things that go through my mind are every bit as horrible and hurtful as anything he could tell me.
I just want the TRUTH..I want him to be man enough to say to my face I WANT OUT...BEFORE he goes out and starts something with someone else. I believe you should have enough self respect, and repsect for the person you are supposed to love, to FREE yourself from one relationship BEFORE beginning another...whether it is physical or emotional...doesn't matter.
He was selfish, and if everything was transparent, he wouldn't have done it.
I guess if he laid it on the line like:
"Well, I love you and want to be with you, but everynow and then I may over indulge and have drunken ONS booty call with a health hazard whore. Oh yes, and I like to look at naked pics of average ugly people and write them from time to time as well. This actually is a compulsion of mine for 6 years now, and when things get real between us, I use this as an adult passy as comfort. It also validates me as person. I am really selfish prick who wants it both ways."
I would have ran for the hills, after I gave him a swift kick in the ass.
I think being told this would be devastating but if this was the case, then it would have to be faced.
At the time of my H's affair in 1980 I gave him choices. I made clear that if he wanted me to leave I would, there and then. I would have made it easy for him to be with her if he so wished. That if he loved her then I didn't want him to be with me. I wanted his love not an empty shell.
He stayed because he loved me,and ended his affair, which like most affairs was based on the frisson of fantasy and the illicit and Not reality, this doesn't come into it.
No I would never have stayed because we had a marriage certificate. To me this is a document that is in place for legalities but this is only my view here.
Take care of you
A
Yes, when you have been together a long time things can get stale, people get too busy with their kids, jobs or other activities and lose track of each other. You start to take the other person for granted and drift apart. It happens at one point or another in all relationships and this is where the true love, respect and friendship comes in. When you love and are commited to someone and things begin to drift apart then that is when you take action. A decision needs to be made. Do I want to work this out, get through to my spouse that I want to renew our connection to each other? Yes, then serious work together as a couple needs to begin. If the decision is that no, I don't want to work on it or try to have a better, closer and deeper connection to my partner is made then you split up. Once alone, you look at what you did or did not do personally to contribute to the demise of your relationship and once you have worked out these issues and closed the door completely on your old relationship THEN YOU BEGIN TO LOOK FOR A NEW ONE. Not before and not during.
Cheating doesn't just happen. New, deep and connected friendships with the opposite sex do not just spontaneously occur. Why don't people seem to get that?
My XH says to others that his friendship with his friend's wife "just happened" and that it turned into more because it "just happened". What a crock of shit. Time, energy and planning went into that friendship, especially to keep it under wraps. Time and energy NOT spent on reconnecting with his wife (me) who was completely frazzled with trying to do it all. My secrets and pain were shared with the OW and became and still are jokes between them. How someone else's pain could possibly be funny I have no idea. Perhaps I should make fun of what happened to her at the hands of her uncle and see how funny she thinks that is?
No, I would never want someone to stay with me out of obligation. Yes, I would want to know if the person I loved was not in love with me anymore but this needs to happen without any other person being involved. As soon as there is another person in the mix then you know beyond a doubt that your partner took the easy way out and never gave your relationship any kind of a shot. That is just insulting. I deserved better. We all do.
If your relationship is dying for any reason other than another person involved, and your partner wants to call it quits then yes, I would want to know. Anything other than that just conjures up way too many other questions for me.