Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

3,602 Members
17,683 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Infidelity Support Group

Truly In Love?

deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband abandoned me for another woman in February this year. I assumed it had been going on for a month or so when he left because he had an affair and left me for another woman once before and I started to see the same clues (concerned with appearance more nights out etc). I found out on Saturday my husband was having an affair when he married me in July last year.I think he didnt leave me and went through with the marriage because she was at the time living with her husband. I gather she and her husband separated at Christmas and that seems to have been what put the nails in the coffin of our marriage. The affair seemed to go from casual sex to a need for him to be with her all the time. I'm guessing the affair destroyed her marraige too. From your own experiences, do you think he could really be in love with this woman? I dont see how a relationship created in this way can last I mean, if you loved someone, why would you marry someone else? do you think he will ever come "out of the fog" so to speak once the honeymoon period is over?
deleted_user
deleted_user
i ask myself this as i am in a similar position.He may or may not come out of the fog.You have to live like he has gone and only them you can start to heal.The fact that he has had 2 affairs thou to me seem he is not happy with the marriage or maybe he craves the excitment of an affair.His realtionship with ow is based on lies and deciet and statistically it wont last but even if it doesnt you have to ask yourself is he the man for you?can you ever trust him again?you are worth the love of someone who adores you and gives yu everything you desevre in a relationship.Let him go for now and let yourself start to heal.hugs to you
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry, I should have explained that this was a one way trip for him. I wont take him back because A) he has had two affairs (and to me, marrying someone while having an affair is unspeakably cruel) B) The man is a compulsive liar and I would never believe anything he said C) I love the version of my husband in my head but my blood runs cold at the thought of being intimate with the real him ever again. His purpose in life seems to have become to hurt and humiliate me

I posted because I just dont understand how he could be in love with her if he married me. He must have known she would leave her husband eventually.
humbledvirginian
humbledvirginian
seems like he may not know what the concept of LOVE is!he may confuse it for lust?
deleted_user
deleted_user
hazi...I am going through this right now. I got an e-mail from the OW telling me of the affair and all week that has been my question too. HOW can the H LOVE the OW??? It was a relationship out of sex, ego boots and that he got away with it. I do not think my H loves the OW, I think she was his escape when I would argue he would just not come home, make an excuse to stay downtown and go to her. When they woudl fight he would come home. I don't think it was love, I think it was a relationship of opportunity. I am also struggling with the idea that muhusband did not love me also and that hurts and hard to come to terms with. I do believe my husband loved and still loves me and when the crap hits the fan with the OW he will start calling me again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hazi...sounds as if you H has a lot more problems then having an affair. He has demons that are eating him alive. Have you contacted the OW's husband?I would, Stay strong, he has put you second on a continuing bases, and that alone is wrong and should be your fuel to let the poor pathetic other woman have him to deal with his screwed up mind and remember, there is a very good chance he will do the very same thing to her too. Good Luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Unfortunately Tearful I dont know either the woman or her husband (I just have friends who know the other woman)I have no way of contacting her husband otherwise I would do. I'm sure he has at least some idea what caused the breakdown of his marriage but as he lives many miles away and is not connected to the group she and my husband hang out with he may be missing many of the facts.
My husband has had mental issues for years. Both women he has left me for are similar to me in many ways, I think he does it for the ego boost because I have realised over the years he lacks confidence and self worth. I told him he needs to get professional help but he doesnt believe there is anything wrong with him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ah hazi, I am so sorry. I believe your right about the ego boost! Cheaters will take what ever cheap thrill they can get. He is getting the best of both worlds. The "taboo" of breaking his vows and what can you do about it, knowing he possible broke her marriage up too...That would be a strong ego boost right there, and they are all fun and games. I wish you the very best of luck, and one thing I have learned from my husband cheating, there are mean and cruel people out there that thinks the sh** don't stink and they can get away with everything.
needhelp62
needhelp62
The fog is a strange entity. I am reading emails that he sent me while in the height of his affair with lots of " I love you's" thrown in for good measure. Unfortunately nothing reading " I just lied to you today" or " Its 9:00 am. and I just spent most of the night in bed with another woman." I guess that was lost in the midst of his " I love you's"
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • carrie415

    Widow/Widowers Traveling/Cruise Trips??

    Posted by: carrie415
    Last Reply: Myfavorite
    11
    I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????
  • joannklingaman

    Grief

    Posted by: joannklingaman
    Last Reply: loco
    13
    A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...