
Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

deleted_user
OK, I just finished reading "Not Just Friends" and really only enjoyed the book because it was full of interesting factoids and tidbits. I am an information junkie. I remembered a recent discussion we had about not choosing people who will cheat to be future partners and how does one ever really know who will be a cheater and who won't.
The author is a therapist so she ascribed much of cheating behavior to childhood experiences. I really tried to ignore this because I think at some point, you've got to stop blaming Mommy and Daddy. Here is her description of people who tend to cheat versus those who don't:
"If you want to choose a mate who is likely to stay loyal, what would you look for? According to statistics, you should choose someone who devotedly attends religious services, has friends who support a monogamous lifestyle, lives in a small community, and has parents and grandparents who are straight arrows. Your potentially faithful partner would work alone, close to home, and wouldn't travel for business purposes.
If, on the other hand, you want to know whom to be wary of, statistics would steer you clear of someone who works in a condoning or encouraging occupational environment with attractive co-workers, travels with them for conferences, does not attend worship services or have strong religious beliefs, comes from a sexually liberal background, lives in a large metropolitan area, and has a history of parental infidelity.
None of these factors is a predictor of marital infidelity in any particular individual. But they do point to who is more likely to be unfaithful and who is more likely to be monogamous."
So, compared to the cheater in your situation are her descriptions accurate? My husband fits all but one of the traits of a cheater she describes. And I honestly don't think anyone fitting her description of the non-cheater exists.
The author is a therapist so she ascribed much of cheating behavior to childhood experiences. I really tried to ignore this because I think at some point, you've got to stop blaming Mommy and Daddy. Here is her description of people who tend to cheat versus those who don't:
"If you want to choose a mate who is likely to stay loyal, what would you look for? According to statistics, you should choose someone who devotedly attends religious services, has friends who support a monogamous lifestyle, lives in a small community, and has parents and grandparents who are straight arrows. Your potentially faithful partner would work alone, close to home, and wouldn't travel for business purposes.
If, on the other hand, you want to know whom to be wary of, statistics would steer you clear of someone who works in a condoning or encouraging occupational environment with attractive co-workers, travels with them for conferences, does not attend worship services or have strong religious beliefs, comes from a sexually liberal background, lives in a large metropolitan area, and has a history of parental infidelity.
None of these factors is a predictor of marital infidelity in any particular individual. But they do point to who is more likely to be unfaithful and who is more likely to be monogamous."
So, compared to the cheater in your situation are her descriptions accurate? My husband fits all but one of the traits of a cheater she describes. And I honestly don't think anyone fitting her description of the non-cheater exists.
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So cheating is about circumstances? I'm confused by your post.
Serial killer? I think not. I know lots and lots of people that fit the non-cheating profile. That's a pretty extreme opinion of a lot of good, wholesome people.
Don't try to reason with Bozo. You'll get "clowned" every time.
I like the "for rent" analogy. Very on point!
maybe I'll change the "for rent" sign for a "for sale" sign. but i guess there's nothing wrong wiht just 'renting to own' for now.
I think the main thing would be to make sure the person you are with didn't have an upbringing with parents that had infidelity problems. That's a biggie! My dad cheated on my wife before I was born, after I was born and up until I was 9 years old and he finally left her. That's how I know my father, as the cheating dad. I think the way a person is brought up and what they experience as a child and see their own parents doing in front of their face makes them who they are as an adult. I didn't cheat on my spouse until we had been together 13 years but it happened. I can't take it back now but I've struggled with issues from my childhood for many years and it took cheating to finally get it all out there and start working on myself.
Either way, it would be tough to go by any list to know if someone would ever cheat on you. No one is perfect, that's the main thing! You can find the most perfect man/woman in the world and what they do down the road on in to the marriage may be totally different than what you would have expected on the first day you met them. KWIM?