I am so sorry you are going through this. It seems the reason he isn't taking accountability is that he does not think he has done anything wrong! He appears to be selfish and manipulative.

i know you know in your heart that this is not your doing.
you know that you are the victim, the person who has been wronged.
his choices led to these consequences; a grown man (guessing in his 60's) should understand the concept of cause and effect.
he took actions and these are the results.

best advice i can give you - let him play his childish games but don't buy into them.
he tells you you'll be taken care of - thank him.

He's lashing out in anger at you because he feels guilty and knows what a rat he is...and he doesn't want to face that right now... He's looking for someone else to get mad at....and for now..that's you.
You had every right in the world to contact the OW and her husband -its your life. Its happening to you. And you and everyone involved including her husband deserve the truth- enough lies.....enough deceit...
Your husband should have thought about how his actions would look on the front page of the NY TImes....that's how you should live your life....
He made these decisions....
But, don't be so sure that you know how it will end... he may very well end up crawling back to you...when all the smoke clears..Right now he is being his arrogant self- how dare things go badly for him? he thought he had it all....wife, mistress, etc. a real big shot...and now he's been shot down. It may take him awhile to realize all he will potentially be losing....not money but family....all the history he has with you...for what?

jrsygrl13... unbelievable. Have you met my H? You really have him pegged for who he seems to be. Yes, I do believe he thought he was bullet proof and I would be the quiet little wife. I don't think he thought I had the guts to make those phone calls and refers to them as trivial pursuit. I don't think he can stand the thought of others not thinking of him as "Dr. God" anymore as it this may unfold among his peers. He has placed himself on a mighty pedestal. It's a real shame because he HAS done so much good for humanity through his knowledge and expertise as a physician. I wonder if by all this he finally sees himself as a fool and can't live with that?

Of course he's angry - you're standing up and calling it as it is. My wife was incensed that I called the OM, even after she told me repeatedly to call him...then got angry when I called her bluff. No one deserves what you're going thru. Hang in there!

Flyby83.. thanks for your words of support. It is good to know others have empathy to this mess. I just have to remember that whatever happens or whatever he does, it is due to his actions, not mine. I still can't believe he would ever be so unprofessional not to mention playing with fire. He must have known that at some point this would come home to roost. Big sigh.........

the reason he is so upset is he never expected to get caught and now he is pissed because your head wasn`t as far down in the sand as he had hoped..

the reason he didn`t want you to contact the ow and her H is because he wanted to throw her under the bus and put all the blame on her, make her be the big bad one and he was the innocent guy who was stalked and seduced till he finally gave in...

you have to love the whole mightier then thow routine oh i`m going to do this and do that... you said at one point he was going to kill himself ...my h said that to me and I handed him my sharpest knife and told him not to get any blood on the floor... needless to say he just looked at me with that I can`t believe you look..

its time to take care of you and do for you and let him either conform to what you need and want for this marriage to work or to hit the bricks...Take Care of YOU