i am 36 years old, married for 10 years now with 3 beautiful girls. i love my husband dearly. i feel like he is my breath.. the cheating started so early in our marriage. it was only chatting.. i forgive him manytimes, then the pattern changes, calls , sexting, meeting with girls but as he always says that he wil never sleep with anyone just doing tat for fun and to prove that he is a man cause at this time we had a very hard patch in life.. and i also forgave him . after that he was browsing females profiles at linkedin or facebook.. and i found out that he used his best friend e mail to send escorts. when i confronted him he said that he has no money to carry along with this and he is an idiot and doing that for no reason as he loves me and cant live without me.. life started to improve regarding his work and after eachtime i forgive him something in me breaks.. i am pretty and take care of myself plus i m so romantic. i always treat him so fucking well.. a year ago his work transferred him to KSA and he comes home ever two weeks.. during this time when ever i approach him sexually while travelling he blocks me or change the subject and i got suspecious. i searched his whatsapp and found out that he is talking to escorts again in bahrain and dubai..and one of the chats was wityh one escort in bahrain asking for the price and if she does outcall or in call asnd when i checked his passport i found out that he travelled to bahrain twice for 2 days eachtime without me knowiing anything and the chat was at the same time he was in bahrain.. i blacked out.. i was so devastated.. i confronted him and asked for a divorce. he swore that he didnt sleep with anyone and that he cant do this to me, i asked him why did u travelled to bahrain he said it was just for fun , what kind of fun just siteseeing. there is nothing in the fucking bahrain to be watched. why u did not tell me he said that he fucked up and cried and said he promise that he didnt sleep with anyone. i didnt believe him. i have no proof that he slept with her. i am trying to overcome this.. afterwards i discovered that he talks to girls again by phone. oh i forgot to tell u that sometimes when i see something and confront him he said it wasnt me it was ( one of my friends) and ofcourse givinf me his friend name.
i am having panic attacks.. lost trust in him completely. and eachtime i look at my girls ( they adore him and he adores them). i donnu what to do.. i feel that my love to him is suffocating me now. i am not a weak person but infront of him i cant take action. i search after him like crazy and everytime i discover something old. how a person can be so cruel like this and how anybody can lie to your face without feeling guilty..
i am seriously thinking about seeing a shrink to know how to fight my lack of self confidence. i found out today about your lovely forum and i m seeking help here.. tell me what to do..
thank you so much in advance
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