One very confusing element of all of this is trying to accept betrayal. We all know it hurts we all know how long it takes to process all the emotions and thoughts and move on, i mean really move on. Will i ever really get over it? Will i ever be able to love someone in that same way again. How could i have been so wrong about this marriage? how could he really have done this? This total betrayal, total abandonment, total absolution of himself because "these things happen to people" "they fall out of love". I guess that is true so i have to accept that and watch him move on in his life and know i will never be a part of it again. I want to hate him i want him to feel the same as i do yet i know he will never really get it. You just don't understand unless you have been thru it. I even feel that way about my therapist. I don't think she really can take me any further because she just doesn't get the abondonment issues. How far into us they go. And on the other hand, what if it was me? What if i fell out of love with him? Wouldn't i have the right to find happiness somewhere else? Aren't all endings messy? Isn't someone always hurt? Why did he choose to hurt me, his wife, and his family who have always supported and been good to him and choose her, a liar, a skank and a manipulator who wanted him for herself. Thing is i was totally happy and can't understand why i never knew he was not. Processing that is what i need help with. Processing his willingness to leave his family and not look back. I could understand if i was unattentive, nagging, a pain, miserable, but all i was he says is boring. What do we do with that? I am looking for that last door i guess. The door that once you go thru you know you have to stop looking back. Stop waiting for that miracle. Stop waiting for "something" to save me from being so sad. Is anyone having these thoughts?
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