An affair is not worth it. It is the worst possible emotional abuse. You will regret it. You need to learn to talk to your husband about your needs and your feelings. You both probably need counseling. What you see in the other man is probably not even real. He, too, is human and will let you down. It is an illusion. If you got involved in that, you will one day wake up and realize that he was not the answer to your needs. Your husband loves you and respects you. Work on your marriage. It is wrong for you to involve someone else. You husband will be devastated. I know.

I think you are right. So far I got nothing but pain out of this...and I didn't even get the sex part! But it is so really hard to feel this way. Thank you for your advice. I never had an affair and all I think is about the fun part of it -like dating, laughing, dancing together and all that.

the % of married men leaving their wives is nihl. all you willl do is hurt yourself in the end. give him up and find someone unattached.

Having an affair is wrong..if you are truly miserable with your husband then seek counseling...if you don`t want counseling then leave the marriage...you say he is married with several kids ...so not only would you be hurting your husband but wrecking his family... you say all you can think about is the fun that you would have well what about the heartache you would cause ....what about his wife`s feelings and tearing apart the home of innocent children...an affiar is never ever the answer...take it from someone who has dealt with all the pain of being cheated on..and yes I have a child who has suffered from the affiar also ..just don`t do it its really not worth it

You're not in love with him. You're in LUST for him and you should know the difference. He's married, get over it. You're married, further get over it.

Sorry to sound so harsh, but you need woken up. How would you like it if your husband did this to you? Or if you read exactly what YOU just wrote but it was your husband that wrote it about another woman?

Take your husband for sex therapy. But cheating? YOu're abusing him every time you so much as think about. Heres a thought. get a divorce. Then have all the sex with someone else that you want- without hurting anyone.

I totally agree with BetrayedAngel! She is right. Married or ot, you wanna be known as the "homewrecker" among other things! Its just to much you need to stop it and get some help WITH your husband. Talk to him!

Please do not have an affair. I just found out about my wife's 6-month affair 5 days ago. It has destroyed me and my family. We did not have a good sex life either. I wish we had gone to counseling and worked everything out before she strayed. The lack of sex was not from lack of interest on my part, it was from resentment that had built up over the years coupled with a general lack of intimacy. That can be fixed. If you are not meant to be together with your husband after counseling, then you should get a divorce. But under no circumstances should you intrude on the sanctity of someone else's marriage. If his marriage is bad, and he doesn't wish to work on it through counseling, he should get a divorce too. If there is a time when you are both divorced and available, then it is perfectly acceptable to follow through with your desires. Having been the victim of an affair, I would not wish this suffering on ANYBODY, especially on a spouse who loves and respects you. And if you think there is no way he is going to find out, you're wrong. Please don't do it!

No you shouldn't. You know it would be wrong and hurtful to his family and to yours. My husband has been having an affair for over a year and the OW seems to think this is an okay thing to do. It's not and you know it.

I agree with the others here....

cheating would be a horrible choice.

First of all, TRUST ME you don't want to be with a man who would dump a wife and family -- which he probably would not do anyway, but if he did, what would you have? A guy who cheats on his wives and dumps them. Not an ideal husband, right?

Next, I have a close friend who is in a situation a lot like yours. She doesn't get sex/affection/cuddling at home, so she found a boyfriend. Now she is constantly stressed and worried about getting caught, what it will do to her family, how to see the side guy enough, whether to allow herself to get more emotionally involved with the side guy.... etc. In other words, her affair has made things WORSE, not better. Now she is gone a lot on trumped up excuses, her husband works all the time, and their daughter is like a vagabond, always finding different places to stay because her parents are hard to reach. It's pitiful, really.

It's not surprising that you feel "love" for this guy, but please understand that what you're calling love is just a deep and powerful attraction for what you don't have!

whew... deep breath.... don't make any life-changing decisions right now, and don't do anything you'll regret. Figure out how to get a clear picture or the situation and how to make a clear minded decision about how to go forward.

But please, don't cheat. If you think you are in pain now, just wait until you throw an affair into the mix.

I think you are lonely and looking for someone to make the hurt and frustration go away. This om is almost like a ghost, he pretty much exsists in your mind and you have a fixation on him. Avoid him and find something else to focus on. There is no cure for everything but you can avoid hurting yourself and others in this situation.

DO NOT DO IT. I felt some of the same things you do, had an affair, and it was AWFUL. I hurt my family, and the guy only saw me as someone with the right body parts anyway. I wish I could turn back time and never do it. besides, it is wrong, plain and simple. Not to be irreverent, but get a personal massager or something and a few good romances - ha. Don't cheat - it only hurts everyone.

Do not have an affair.Cheating on your husband is the meanest thing you could do to him.I know , it happened to me.Your story is simialler to my wife's.Even after I uncovered the affair,she continued to see him and I knew it.It is devastingly painful.My wife say's she loves him and she say's she knows he loves her.Now that he has broke up with her,she is going through pshycological problems,yet she still does not want me .It really hurts when your wife cheats on you,and things will never be the same.Please reconsider cheating on your husband.It just is not worth it.

I have to agree with the others as well. He's married (at least you implied that) and that should be enough. My wife claims the same thing happened when she had her affair - that there wasn't enough intimacy between us. I don't see the reasoning in wanting to be closer to your partner so you have an affair. Please consider everyone involved, whether they would know it or not.

Make no mistake - you are NOT in love with a man you've had nothing with. You are in love with the IDEA of the man you've had nothing with. The more you build him up in your mind based on what you want, wish or fantasize him to be, the less likely you are to be able to see the REAL man you're already married to in anything but a dimmer view.

You've talked to this OM. You've felt an *attraction* to him, but do not mistake attraction and infatuation for being in love. It is SUCH an easy trap in which to become ensnared, and you really deserve better than that. So does the real man who has stuck by you up to now.

If you want sex, I humbly suggest you talk to hubby about your needs and figure out some kind of compromise or agreement BEFORE you do anything. This man loves and respects you - he will most certainly LISTEN to you. Give him that chance.

One more thing ... while we're all jumping on you and telling you not to do this, KUDOS TO YOU for doing the right thing in the first place and backing out before you got something started. When one feels a powerful attraction, that's not easy, but you told him you didn't think it was a good idea, and he respected you in return. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, and you deserve your props for that!!