Jerry,
The 1st scenario, yes, life for his wife is over. She may at times be aware of his presence and while "alive' should be cared for by him, so his partner would need to understand tht at part.

If I were her, I would prefer to pass on, although not from dehydration and starvation, there must be a kinder way.

The second scenario, NO, the husband is still aware and cognizent. We marry for better or worse and as Chris Reevfes loving wife said, "I need to be with him, as much as possible"

The injured or ill person needs to be and deserves to be loved. Is one more responsible for their health failure because thery had addictionhs\\s or lifestyle issues than they are if they choose to ride a horse or motorcycle. No one plans to be in a position like that and no one deserves to be abandoned while living.

If my husband was paralyzed or impotent or whatever, I would still love the person, I love. Sex is not a "need" like food, and can be met without a partner anyway.

When I found out about my husbands affair, I said to our therapist, I "I would never have considered leaving for ANY other reason, including what happened to Chris Reeves! Cheating was my only deal-breaker, because it takes intent and involves abandoning the marital partner, specifically. Even so, I am seriously considering staying in the relationship.

I think Edgar's situation is pretty easy. Yes, he should probably move on - especially given the fact that his wife will most likely never recover and live a life.... She's basically dead, which is why everyone should have a Living Will.. Don't do this to your family.

Naomi on the other hand needs to rethink the "for better or for worse" vows... Hell, maybe we all do... If she loves the guy, it may not be an issue.. Does she love him..? I have to believe that the Dr's can work a compromise on the medication to help with the impotence... I don't think heart patients can take Viagra either.... This one is tough. It would be helpful to know more of what Naomi is thinking...

Nave - we posted about the same time and I didn't have the opportunity to read your post.

Where I would disagree is sex is a need. It's a physiological human need - period.

In my opinion, an affair is never justified. Divorce is the option that is available for both. And, there are other ways for a couple to enjoy each other whether or not impotence is in the mix.

Divorce is clearly the inevitable for case #1... In reality, the marriage is over regardless, as the wife is clinically dead..

No, I don't think that cheating is ever justified...
When we make our marriage vows before God and man, we promised to remain faithful in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer as long as we both live...

And as Nave, Ted and Oopsshedi... Divorce is an option if the person is not happy with the marriage..

I know a man whose wife was dieing of cancer... She had but a few months to live and he met another woman in the city where he worked... They started having an affair and after his wife died, they married.....

Do I think that was right? NO, NO, NO...
His wife was in sickness and he took his affection away and gave it to another woman.... I think he should have waited until after his wife died before trying to met another person..

What do you think?

I think the case you described, the husband was clearly wrong, but it's an apples v. oranges comparison.

In Case #1, the woman is clinically dead. She's not coming back.... Should this man not move on with his life..? I think he should divorce his wife and move on.... She'll never know the difference. She's dead. In the end, it's his choice, but I think God and his wife would want him to move on with his life and be happy.

I'll say it again - if you don't have a Living Will, get one. Don't put your spouse or kids in this position.

Case 1 not sure make sure the spouse is taken care of.
Case 2
work around it: use the imagination.
Thats love

yeah but what about those that cannot divorce due to insurance? What if his insurance is covering her medical state? I'm torn on this one but I feel that if that were truly the case, he should have every right to discreetly carry on with his life.

Very true, Cathy. That's why Living Wills are SO important. I have a DNR Will, so if I'm ever in this position, pull the plug. I would never want to burden my wife and kids with this type of decision or potential financial hardship.

You bring up very interesting points, and some very interesting points are being brought up. It seems some people think sex is just a want, while others believe it is a need. Even many of you that think it is never right to have an affair are willing to understand in the first place.( I beleive the phrace you keep quoting is "until death do us part", but she isn't dead, is she? However most of you seem to think the second situation should leave no exceptions for the bad health. However I would be interesting to know if you would be as strict if (a) it were a self induced sickness caused by behavior she had begged him to change for years. Or (b) what if he loved her enough to allow her needs to be met. Is she the only one that should make exception due to her love even if he could have avoid the problem he caused? Could others exceptions be made? I'm just interested to hear your opinions.

You can't turn back time and avoid the problems he caused. So, no. I don't think that justifies an affair. He didn't necessarily know that he was going to end up impotent. A lot of people don't take care of their health and regret it. A lot of people can't help it. A lot of people do the best they can. If he gives her permission to have an affair, then I guess that's up to her. I still say there are other things he could do.

Five words:

"For better or for worse."

David,
I think for a lot of people, in the 1st case, she is dead.

Ted.
I think that their are many people, who for religious or other reasons choose celebacy. Yes, it is a normal psychological drive but can be sublimated.er our MR. Freud.

My post said, "Sex is not a "need" like food and can be met without a partner anyway". I have never heard of anyone dying of CELEBACY".