As a former cheater, many of you have asked me questions about what I was thinking at the time. When I was cheating, all I thought about was myself and what I thought that I wanted and needed. I didn't think or care about anyone else. Not my husband or my kids, nothing at all. I didn't care if anyone else got hurt in the process. It was the most selfish act that I've ever done. I've had to live with the fact that I destroyed the lives of 2 families due to my selfishness. But I have come to understand with the passage of time why I did those things. There is no excuse for what I did. But I understand my own self better now than I did back then. I was on a collision course of self destruction. I'm not really a selfish person. If you would ask my friends or family about me, they would say that I'm an unselfish and caring person. But I had to learn about myself and hurt myself to get where I am today. Unfortunately a lot of innocent people got hurt in the process. I still have a hard time seeing myself as I was back then because it's not who I really am. It was just a point in my life that I made some terrible mistakes and hurt some nice people. It isn't easy for me to bear my soul like this because it makes me feel very unworthy of life. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me because I don't deserve sympathy or pity for my feelings about this. This is a self healing process for me so that I can continue to grow into who the good Lord wants me to become. The really sad part about what I did is that I was raised in a Christian home. But I made my own choices and a lot were bad ones. Only with God's help can I make a better life for myself. If we as humans were perfect, we wouldn't hurt one another. We would always be honest and unselfish. We would always be looking for ways to help and lend a hand to those less fortunate than ourselves. We would have compassion and lay our lives down for a stranger. But none of us is perfect. We just have to strive for perfection one baby step at a time. Because that's what we were instructed to do in the Bible. It's an everyday task for each of us. And some of us, have to work a little harder at it than some others. Because we are so imperfect as humans.
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