Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

the grief can be overwhelming...anyone else?

deleted_user
deleted_user
Ok...so last night I was sitting in the bar, and miracle of miracles, she actually didn't show up. I am getting ready tonite to head over there, this is his last night there, and I can't see them letting it go quietly.
ANYWAY..here is the other part I was dealing with last night, and I wonder if anyone else has felt this too.
As I was looking around I was realizing just how much I have lost by his cheating....this bar/restaurant was a place where we could all go together as a family, or just us to get out without driving an hour each way...we went to brunch at Christmas with Santa there, and had pictures taken, I "thought" these people were friends where we could go, you know the old "where everybody knows your name". The loss of EVER driving by there without "it" popping into my head, I can't avoid it our town is a mile long, and it's next to the ball field we coach softball on. The loss of going to the store without wondering this time who knows what, whose thinking what etc...the loss of trust in my husband and our marriage. The loss of feeling like I can get mad, hurt, angry, rage, upset, without it getting back to someone else that I'm a bitch. The feeling like there is always someone else in the room with us, the images of my husband with another woman doing things that should only ever have been done with me. The list goes on and on...and I realized last night while we are all looking for the "why" answer there will NEVER be one that will EVER make any sense to me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
you are absolutely right, we will never understand WHY. anyway, i hope you (and i believe you will) get to a place where you can pass the bar and not even care. i can only imagine how it must feel to know how they abused a place that meant so much to you and your family, and now "where everybody knows your name" has taken on a whole new meaning. look at this trash and her family as just that. hold your head high, and let them know that they don't intimadate you. as long as they get to you and you show it, they WIN. give them your you-know-what to kiss and keep it moving. i wish you all the best.
deleted_user
deleted_user
thank you...she did come in last night, but didn't stay long, and I didn't let it get to me...she can take her sorry, trashy ass right back home and sit there all by herself and in the end, that's probably the way she's going to stay since she's pulled this crap before. I will get to a place where I can go by and not think about it, it's not as bad as it used to be and after today he won't be working there anymore and that's a HUGE weight off my shoulders...
deleted_user
deleted_user
All I can say is to give it time. As I've said before, my marriage is over so it's hard to know what you're going through, but at least he's still there and willing to work through this. I'm happy for you and will help in any way I can.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi, I am new here. I discovered my husbands infidelity 2years ago. I felt the same as you. There were places that I thought I would never be able to go to again as he had been there with 'her' But that part of it does fade and does get easier. You dont forget but it does just become a bit easier. xxxx
deleted_user
deleted_user
It truly is grief. And like any other loss..it takes alot of time. I am still trying to deal with it and it has been 7 months. I finally sought counselling because I couldnt deal with it on my own. Good luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was just thinking about this, living in this town and being worried about seeing her or turning a corner in the grocery store and bumping into her... makes me sick. i never want to see the OW. As for looking for the why, there will be answers but it doesn't give peace to the action. I am with you there. And it does get easier to live day to day and not think about it 1000 times. I've realized that somethings (my son, my sanity, my life...) are more important that being sad all the time. good luck to your situation.
deleted_user
deleted_user
thank you all..it is hard knowing I can't avoid running into her, her family etc...it's just impossible to avoid in a town, (453) yep it got smaller, they just changed the sign again....
I was thinking about it today, whenever I see someone in the same kind of car, it hits met...I am hoping that with continued time and counseling it at least won't be in my face everywhere I look. The last few days have been really hard, I am not sure exactly why, nothing new really happened, I think I am just tired of dealing with it all. The other night we were talking, and I just couldn't take it anymore, it's just too painful sometimes that I need a break, but then he thinks I'm not going to stay and doesn't trust I'll keep working on it, said last night he couldn't figure why anyone would...how is this going to work if neither one of us trusts each other?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wish you could move away from the town you are living in. I am glad you are going to conseling. I have been on the otherside the cheater and our pain is shame & guilt. Don't let anyone tell you different unless they have no soul or heart.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know this is off topic, but I just had to respond to tellme's last sentence about not having a heart or soul. I think that is true. Anyone who can cheat and say it's some wonderful thing must have no heart, no soul, and no conscience. And I am saying that as someone who cheated. If you can celebrate your cheating, you have a serious problem. In Jennyr's case, it seems like the OW is doing exactly that. She must have no conscience whatsoever. Jenny, I hope the days get better and better. And I hope your husband keeps working and doing whatever it takes. He is lucky to have someone who will stay with him and try to work it out. I'm luck to have that too - I don't deserve him, but I'm glad he's here.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I do know my husband feels guilty and has said more than once he can't believe he did it in the first place. He is trying in counseling, talking more than he ever did before, and seems like he really wants to work it out. My problem now, I thought when he said all that before he meant it, and now I am having a really hard time believing him. All the counseling and talking we were doing while he was going into work and telling these people a completely different story than what he was telling me. Last night, he got frustrated at counseling basically saying, "I TOLD you I am not doing that anymore and I've BEEN telling you that". Like NOW I'm just supposed to say "oh..ok" and it's all alright again. He just doesn't get it why I can't just believe him now.
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