i can also relate- my bf was also cheating by txt msg , texting my cousin txting things of a sexual nature..suppoesdley though it only happened once but it still hurt so much...in the txt message he was trying to iniate for a sex meet up for in the future....but he says he would never have gone through wit it..and its all i think about now...and im trying to forgive but i know its something that has to be done more than once but we currently arent together

I didn't notice you saying what he's done to show you he's worthy of forgiveness. What has he done to try to prove he's sorry? It will eat you up inside, trust me. It's hard. hugs to you

Yea, eeww. By marriage or not that is nasty. PLEASE wait on the getting married part. Has she appologized to you? Has he? Does the uncle know? Not to mention, why was there a "serious distant period" between the two of you to begin with. And why put all the blame on her; as hard as it is (b/cuz u love him) he is just as guilty. If it is family, the contact will never be fully broken between the two of them....which only leaves you to wonder. What has he done to prove to you that he is worth staying for or forgiving? Good luck and BIG hugs!

I know a guy that married his aunt by marriage. It heebed me out everytime I'd see them together!

I'm sorry he's done this to you. Getting over the betrayal is so difficult sometimes. I know with me, the cell phone is such a source of anguish that we cancelled our plan. He used it as a tool in his dirty deeds and everytime I'd hear it ring or beep I'd want to hurl it out into the street. *hugs*

he has sworn to me that it was just an ego boost while we were having rough times. we had become distant b/c of stress from losing a job and going back to school and then trying to find a new job. he has apologized lots and we had kinda worked things out between the two of us, but surprisingly enough... she txt me today to apologize. she said that she couldn't let it go any longer. she says that she knows that she has made a horrible mistake and that she hates that she hurt me. it made me feel better to know that she felt rotten about how badly she had betrayed me and that she did have the guts to apologize.

you cannot force yourself to forgive. It's a gradual process that will take several months if not years. You can forgive when he shows you everything so he cannot hide. He has to earn back your trust. It won't be easy and may take months if not years. honesty I'd expect him to stumble step a few times. Good luck!

Dis,
HE DID HAVE AN AFFAIR! Texting, computer, phone sex, any emotional or sexual relationship that one keeps a secret from spouses IS an affair!

That being said, you need to validate your feelings as legitimate. You need to see this as a trauma and very BAD sign, in your relationship.

He chose to go outside of the relationship because there were some tough life issues?

That is a piss poor way of coping with stress and if he does not examine other motives, as well as this "coping" reason, what is to stop him from doing it again. Life is stressful! How we handle it is evidence of our character.

Under no circumstances should you have to play nice towards his affair partner, for the sake of holiday get-togethers or any other reason!

* That is ANOTHER example of his lack of concern for your feelings. Those events that do or may include her, you and he may have to excuse yourself from...at least this year!

I am also recommending that you consider speaking to HER and telling her that she needs to tell her husband what happened, before you do.

Give her a week or so, then call him. Why? Would you want to be at these "family" events and be unaware? If your husband's uncle had been the one who found out, would you want him to keep you in the dark and to feel like a complete fool?

I know it will cause family strife. You did not cause it though, your husband and his aunt did.

Secrets always come out.

I dont want to make it harder, but why do you think they didnt have sex if they were so intimate before? Mine said it was an ego booster and that he felt he didnt get enough attention our child was 10mo when he cheated with a coworker 1x he says.Still not good enugh for me.I found that cheating on him made me feel like we were on an even ground to try to start forgiven.He didnt admit it for 12yrs,but I always new and resented him for all those years.Now I forgive him and love him because of how he tried to make up for things and I think his low self esteem and childhood abuse lead him to always need attention from others and he needed to fed his ego he said. I didnt feed it enough because looking back I knew I had had a child with someone who mistreated me and I didnt love him I tried because of the child.He didnt get his ego fed from me because I knew him. He couldnt put on his don juan image with me because I knew him and all his faults.After she lost interest in him He decided he felt bad I started treating me better but no star.He improved alot after that.He said its because he realized he was a jerk.I think its because she dumped him so he got knocked down a few pegs and figured he better hang on to me.That was in the first 3yrs of our relationship. It ate at me for years until I demanded he fess up even after15 yrs.I said I will not except that Im am paranoid.If you dont fess up to what I feel in my soul to be true,I will devorice you. He admitted it.It was long ago but allthose years of feeling like I was crazy made me angry and it stills cuts deep.I do belive he has changed alot over the years and I do love him now.But I dont really believe in momogomy anymore and I worry I wont be able to remain faithful.It changes you and the relationship.I tell him if you had been the way your were in the later years we would have been happy ,and solid. I appreciate his efforts but sometimes its to late. Im not saying we arnt bonded and love each other we do.He has been faithful since that 15yrs ago, but he still did hurtful things that guys do...flirt ect.so now I am changing roles.I did cheat to get back at him 6 yrs after the fact and its been 6 yrs since.I dont look for trouble or go out or anything but I just dont believe in monogomy anymore. I think most people get board with one person or maybe they need attention to feel secure or maybe they just want to satisfy their fantasy even if it usually doesnt live up to reality.I want to believe in monogomy like I did, but I dont. I think most cant say no for what ever the reason.

yikes!