Two months and one week ago, my partner of 12 years told me had a "romantic friendship" and was falling in love and wanted to end our relationship. Turned out he had been having sex with this woman for over a month. I begged him to go to therapy, but that only lasted two weeks, then he was done. He said that his decision to end our relationship had nothing to do with his affair, and that his decision to end therapy was due to my failure to address the long-term problems in our relationship. However, I was the one who had been insisting for years that we find a counselor. So clearly we had problems. But for some reason I never thought infidelity was one of them. I trusted him completely and now feel horrible about how I took him for granted - although, on the other hand, I put many years of love and effort into understanding his anger and his mood swings. Anyway he is gone from me and proud and happy in his new love, and I have been mourning alone the end of 12 years of intimacy and family life. I was suicidal at first and now I am again. I worry that there is something wrong with me that I am taking this so hard and not getting any better. I mean, it hurts intensely - worse by an order of magnitude than losing loved ones to death. I fight my obsession with his new girl friend. I met her in the early days of their affair. I wrote her soon after I learned about it. But about the suicidal thoughts: they are only getting worse. I have wonderful friends but no children and no family, and now I have to put my dog down on top of everything else, and the holidays are staring me in the face. (Sounds so pathetic!). My ex does not talk to me except to criticize me for my anger and sadness and berate me for not getting over it. So, what to do? I exercise every day; I am holding down my job; I spend time with friends; I see a therapist; I still cannot bear the pain.
Posts You May Be Interested In